*If you have anxiety that comes from deep trauma, I encourage you to get professional help. If you just get a little nervous when you go on a date or you have social anxiety, this article will help you succeed with women in spite of any killer butterflies flying around in your stomach…
So you want to meet an attractive woman or you’re about to meet up with a girl you really like and you want to make sure your nervousness and anxiety doesn’t cause you to blow your chances with her.
Great news: I’ve got you covered.
In this article, I’ve got 7 powerful tips for you that will help you not only get through meeting a woman and your first date with her, but that will also make her more attracted to you…
If you prefer to listen to audio instead of reading, listen to this presentation:
==>Click here to listen on YouTube
Otherwise, read on:
Now, before we get into the 7 tips, let’s do a powerful re-frame first:
It’s good that you feel nervous…and it’s completely normal.
It’s 100% natural for you to feel that way and it means you’re with a woman you’re actually attracted to.
Our fears and anxieties often tell us exactly what we should do and what is good for us.
And, the most successful guys still feel nervous all the time – they just process it and think about it differently…
So let’s make sure we have the tools we need to speed down the road our body is telling us we should go down.
Remember: Nervousness is just potential energy.
[RELATED: How to End Your Days of Being Socially Awkward]
It’s all how you process it and think about it that counts.
And, feeling nervous or anxious DOES NOT predict the outcome of an event.
People feel nervous and still succeed all the time…
Like the guys who puke in a trash can before the Super Bowl and leave with a fat golden ring and big silver trophy at the end of the game.
So, use the energy that comes with your nervousness or anxiety to help you succeed.
7 Ways to Crush Approach and Dating Anxiety…
Now let’s get into the 7 tips that will help you manage your nerves so you can relax and have fun on your dates and enjoy the success with women you deserve:
- Stop trying to get something from her.
The 2 biggest reasons you feel nervous with a woman are:
#1 You think she’s HOT. You think she’s more valuable than you in your mind. You’re not sure if she’s attracted to you but you KNOW you’re attracted to her.
#2 You’re trying to get something from her. You want (feel like you need?) kisses, sex, love, attention, approval, acceptance, happiness, etc. from her and your main goal is to get these things from her.
So, first of all, remember that you don’t actually KNOW her yet.
She could be a serial killer…
Or a drug addict…
Or a KGB agent sent to “turn” you (I love teasing my Russian girlfriend about this haha)…
The point is that you don’t know much about her besides the fact that she’s good-looking.
So, withhold your excitement about her until after you’ve been out with her at least 3 times.
Try using the “sweatshirt trick” if you want:
Imagine her wearing a hoodie with no makeup on. Or, just remember that she’s a person who eats, sleeps, sh*ts, etc. just like you instead of putting her on some kind of pedestal.
She’s a human being, not a goddess, and consciously thinking about that helps take the edge off.
And, assume she’s interested in you until you find out she’s not.
Secondly, focus on getting to know her and having as much fun as possible with her instead of what you’re trying to get from her.
Let go of any “outcomes” and be fully present in each moment.
That way, you can DECIDE if you want to keep dating her or not instead of pre-determining that you want her no matter what.
Remember: she’s probably nervous too…
So get out of your own head and focus on your connection with her and how much fun you’re having with her instead of worrying about trying to impress her or trying to get something from her.
And, create a life you genuinely love whether she’s with you or not and invite her to join you in your already awesome life instead of trying to get into her world to make your life better.
Offer her a chance to level up with you instead of trying to level up through her…
Offer her something MORE than she already has in her life instead of ONLY asking her to add something to yours.
That’s true “power” and “leverage” when it comes to dating. This is when you see the biggest success in dating the kind of women you really want and when women are actually excited to be with you.
And, ironically, focusing on these things instead of trying to get something from her makes it much more likely that she’ll want to keep dating you and that she’ll get physical with you…
Because you’re truly offering her more than you’re asking of her from HER perspective. And that’s what it takes to create and maintain attraction and love.
This one mindset shift alone will help you feel less nervous and have a MUCH better chance with her.
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Advanced Free Training:
Attract Women Without Words – Brad Pitt’s Body Language Secrets
How to Attract a Devoted Girlfriend or Wife – The Formula
How to Get Her Number and Text Her – Free E-Book
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- Add a third step to your breathing.
Instead of just breathing in and out, breathe in, hold your breath, and then breathe out. Breathe in, hold your breath, and breathe out for the same number of counts or seconds…
Breathing like this will physically calm you down.
It’s a great thing to do right before you approach a woman, right before your date begins, or any time you feel nervous.
- Drink coffee.
If you enjoy coffee, have a cup before you go out. It’s been shown to make people feel less anxious and more sociable.
- Make quick decisions and stick to them.
When you first get into a bar or club, calmly look around for a good spot for a second, pick one, and then walk there immediately. Don’t change your mind on the way there. Stick to it.
When you go out for dinner, choose the first thing on the menu that sounds good and move forward.
On your date, choose a place to sit immediately. If your date wants to sit somewhere else, move there, but otherwise just pick a spot that you feel comfortable with and stick to your choice.
Thinking too much about these kinds of decisions adds to your anxiety when you’re meeting a woman or out on a date. Stop it before it grows.
- Call out your nervousness.
If you want, you can cut the tension created by your nerves by being direct and calling it out ONCE.
If you do it right, it demonstrates self-confidence.
Just say, “Just so you know I’m a little nervous right now haha…” or something like that.
Calling it out directly can reduce the tension and relieve your anxiety. Just don’t look for her to make you feel better; remember: you’re doing it just to cut the tension a little bit, not to get her to empathize with you.
And, her response will tell you something about her personality. If she likes you and she’s cool, she’ll probably say something like “Haha, me too,” or “Ah, don’t worry about it…let’s just have fun.” etc. or she’ll make fun of it in a PLAYFUL way to see if you can banter with her a little bit.
These are all GOOD responses.
Then, move the conversation forward and don’t bring it up again. Don’t make a big deal out of it.
Again, focus on getting to know your date and having fun with her.
- Do things that you already enjoy on your own and invite her to join you.
Instead of trying to figure out a date she might like and then asking her to do that with you, ask her to do something with you that you enjoy whether she’s there or not.
If you’re already comfortable with a certain venue and activity, you’ll feel less anxious when you bring your date with you.
Make yourself feel comfortable first because when you do, your date feels more comfortable with you too.
- Do things where you and your date face the same way, like you’re on the same team, instead of things where you face each other directly, like you’re enemies in a boxing ring.
For example, having dinner isn’t a great idea because you’re directly facing each other and you’re stuck in that position for an hour. That kind of tension can add to your anxiety and crush your chances with her.
*Pro Tip: If you do decide to sit at a table with her, choose a square table and sit next to her at a 90 degree angle instead of across from her. This automatically relieves tension and makes both of you more comfortable. See this free training for more.
Instead, try grabbing a smoothie, ice cream, or coffee and taking a walk or a hike together.
Or, try playing a board game that allows you to sit next to your date.
That way, you’re both facing the same way, shoulder to shoulder, for a good portion of the time.
This kind of open body language helps reduce your anxiety and makes your date feel more comfortable at the same time.
BONUS: If you feel comfortable with it, take her to experience something that’s new for both of you.
New shared experiences create a powerful emotional bond and increase both her attraction for you and her comfort with you WAY more than having a “deep” conversation with her.
Remember, your anxiety is completely natural and justifiable. It means you’re doing something you think is important…
“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” – Nelson Mandela
And, the good news is that if you can manage your anxiety long enough to get through 3 dates with a girl, your anxiety will generally calm down quite a bit after that and you’ll have an excellent chance to date her as long as you want.
So go use your nervousness to propel you forward into the life you really want, break some eggs, make some omelets, and go make at least one deserving female out there happy starting today.
You can do it. Really.
Cheers,
Jim
Advanced Free Training:
Attract Women Without Words – Brad Pitt’s Body Language Secrets
How to Attract a Devoted Girlfriend or Wife – The Formula
How to Get Her Number and Text Her – Free E-Book
