Should You Pay for Your Dates?

You can’t believe how much fun you’re having on your date…

Finally, someone you might actually click with, you think to yourself.

And, she’s gorgeous...

Then, all of a sudden, an awkward moment of truth interrupts your flow:

The BILL comes…

Should you pay?

Should you split the bill with her?

Should she pay?

With modern gender roles shifting, it can be confusing.

And, there are also some men’s “dating coaches” out there who say you should NEVER pay for dates because it diminishes your perceived value.

You don’t want to ruin the moment but you also don’t want look like you’re trying to hard…so what should you do?


Who “SHOULD” Pay For Dates?


Here’s the deal:

YOU should ALWAYS pay (or at least assume you’re going to pay) in the beginning stages of dating (before she’s your official girlfriend).

Yes, dating can be expensive for men… It’s the “cost of doing business.”

Paying for dates is the “cost of doing business” for men when it comes to dating.


And yes, some women will go out with you just for a free meal or to go to an amazing concert…

Which is why:

1. We take women on mostly free/inexpensive dates…

For example, grab smoothies and take her on a hike or meet her for a drink instead of having dinner at a 5-star restaurant. Yes, even if you’re wealthy. It weeds out women who are there for the wrong reasons.

2. We only ask them out once every 7-10 days or so until they are our official girlfriend (this usually takes about 2-3 months)…

3. We don’t waste our time or money on women who aren’t even interested in us, unlike most men, and we don’t try to impress women by spending money on them…

Your relative perceived value does NOT go down when you pay for a date as long as you’re not trying to impress her by paying… <==Read this 3X.

And, a woman who is truly interested in YOU will be happy to do fun things with you that aren’t super expensive.

So, here are a few “RULES” to make sure you don’t ruin your awesome connection with a woman over something as silly as who should pay for your dates:

A. Whoever asks the other one out “should” pay (this will mostly be you in the beginning).

When you pay, don’t make a show of it.


Just take care of it quickly, don’t show her the check, and move forward with your date from there smoothly.

Don’t ever argue over who should pay or get mad about having to pay.

B. If she offers to pay once, politely decline her offer and still pay. If she insists to pay one more time, then let her.

C. A giving woman will want to reciprocate after you’ve taken her out a few times. She’ll want to cook for you, take you out, etc.

Wait and see if she reciprocates on her own. It will tell you about her personality.

Remember, she can be interested in you and still not be a GIVING, THOUGHTFUL person.

Not a woman I would spend 75 years with. =)

D. Only ever get her inexpensive, thoughtful, silly, fun gifts. Keep it LIGHT.

The only time you should spend more money than usual on her is for big things like your engagement ring (after she brings up the topic of marriage), your honeymoon (after she’s already shown you she’s there for you and not your money by having a great time with you on the inexpensive dates you took her on…), your 50th anniversary, etc.

Shopping sprees, expensive dinners, excursions, travel, etc. are for two kinds of women ONLY:

1. OFFICIAL girlfriends and wives who have EARNED it by treating you well while you were taking them on free/inexpensive fun dates who just want to be with YOU.

Once she’s your official girlfriend, you can work out who will pay for dates between the two of you in a way that works for both of you.

2. Gold Diggers…(we don’t want to attract them haha)

So, to recap, EXPECT to pay for all of your dates.

If she offers to pay, decline the first time and go ahead and pay. If she insists to pay a second time, let her.

Keep taking her out and see if she reciprocates in some way within the first 5 or 6 dates by bringing something to share with you, offering to cook for you, or asking you out one-on-one.

And, make sure you know exactly what you’re looking for and eliminate women who aren’t a good fit for you quickly so it doesn’t get too expensive.

Even if you happen to be rich, you only have so much time on this planet, so use it wisely my friend.

Take out the women who don’t care too much about what you’re doing as long as it’s FUN and with YOU.

And then be HAPPY to pay.

Or rather, “invest” in your happiness.



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About The Author


Jim Wolfe is on a mission to help you permanently solve your dating and relationship problems on the way to helping 100,000 men live their ideal life with their ideal women and helping to increase the percentage of happy, healthy relationships from 30% up to 40%. Jim has been studying dating and relationships from the male perspective for over 12 years. Now, he has clients in 37 countries and counting and is the author of the "Attract and Keep Her" best-selling dating and relationship system for men.