A while back I got an email from a client who asked me:
“Dear Jim,
I would like to know if a man has strong feelings of love for a woman while not dating her, can she be with little or no feelings, can love manifest on one person only?
Regards,
Joe M.”
Here’s my answer to his excellent question:
The TRUTH about FEMALE LOVE…
The short answer is YES, love can ABSOLUTELY “manifest on one person only…”
In fact, that’s what happens most of the time.
I mean, just think about it like this:
Haven’t we all had at least a crush on an actress or celebrity at some point who’s never even been in the same city as us?
I know I have…
And this also happens a lot more often than most men realize when you’re actually dating a woman as well.
See, a man generally goes out with a woman for three main reasons:
- He thinks she’s attractive…
- He likes her/loves her/has feelings for her…
- Both of the above.
That’s pretty much it with a few exceptions.
However, while some women only go on dates with men they’re interested in, lots of women will go out with a man for a million different reasons:
-Maybe she hasn’t had a good meal for a while and really wants one right now…
-Maybe she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings by saying no and figures it’s harmless to hang out with you once or twice…
-Maybe she likes you as a friend and hopes you get the hint that she just doesn’t see you “that way”…
-Maybe she’s angling for a green card <==YES, this absolutely happens…
-Maybe she’s interested in your money but not interested in you…
-Maybe she wants to make her ex-boyfriend jealous by taking you to a spot where he might show up…
-Maybe she’s tired of hearing about how she never goes out on dates so she’s with you to get her family, friends, and co-workers off her back…
-Maybe she loves the band or sports team you want to take her to see…
-Maybe she’s just BORED…
The point is that her actually being interested in you is only one of many reasons why a woman will go out with you.
So don’t automatically think a woman’s interested in you just because she’s on a date with you…
Instead, look for consistent patterns of behavior over time:
-Does she give you her number/contact info with enthusiasm?
-Does she respond to all of your messages, usually quickly?
-Does she accept ALL of your date invitations with no excuses? And, when she can’t meet up with you on the day you ask for, does she suggest a SPECIFIC alternative date and time to meet up (“some other time” doesn’t count)?
-Does she show up for your first, second, AND third dates?
-Does she show up on time and have fun with you?
-Does she touch you at least once on each date?
-Does she kiss you/kiss you back (when you go for a kiss by the end of the second date and sometime during each date after that)?
-Does she eventually bring up the idea of being together with you after you’ve been dating her for 2-3 months/6-10 dates?
Those are the things that tell you if she’s really interested in YOU.
Everything else is meaningless and can be interpreted any way you like.
Now, there have also been a few times in my life when a woman has told me that they had feelings for me and unfortunately I wasn’t attracted to them.
So, while this cuts both ways, the biggest thing to remember when it comes to being successful with women is this:
A woman’s interest in you has absolutely NOTHING to do with your interest in her. <==Read 3X…
In other words, the fact that you like or love a woman DOES NOT make her like you, love you, like you more, or love you more.
Ever.
Your interest in her and her interest in you are completely separate things…
And that’s why “telling her how you feel” doesn’t work and is not a good idea – your interest in her is irrelevant when it comes to her falling in love with you.
Also, if a woman isn’t at least a little bit interested in you for some reason when she first meets you, there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to make her like you more or fall in love with you.
However, if a woman is even a tiny bit interested in you and she’s available, you definitely can make her like you more (or less) and eventually fall deeply in love with you based on your BEHAVIOR over time (not by telling her how you feel…because how you feel about her doesn’t matter when it comes to her interest in you).
Listen: There are exactly FOUR things that can raise a woman’s interest level in you and, again, your interest in her is NOT one of them.
So, to be successful with women, it’s necessary to flip this paradigm on it’s head:
Your job is to identify women who are interested in you (as quickly as possible), choose the one(s) you’re interested in also from that pool of women, and raise their interest in you to the highest possible level by giving them the four things they actually respond to when it comes to falling in love with a man.
And then, of course, if you choose to be in a long-term relationship with a woman, your job is to maintain her high interest from that point forward.
Your job is NOT to “make the women you’re in love with fall in love with you” because that’s a complete waste of time and energy if they aren’t interested in you to begin with. <==This is what most men do and it’s a big reason they aren’t more successful.
Remember: Women choose FIRST; then we choose.
Now, of course, if a woman’s interested in you and she figures out that you’re not interested in her at all, she’ll probably give up on you at some point or become interested in someone else…
And, we definitely don’t want to take advantage of anyone…
So it’s not a good idea to date a woman who’s interest in you is 9.5 out of 10 while your interest in her is only 5 or 6 out of 10.
That wouldn’t be good for either of you.
The ideal situation is when a woman’s interest in you is 9.5 out of 10 and your interest in her is 9.3.
What we want when we start dating a woman that we like a lot is for her interest in you to keep going up until she’s a little more into you than you are into her. <==This is the ideal situation for BOTH parties – if you already own the Attract and Keep Her system then you know this and you know exactly why…and, if not, get yourself in there with us!
And, even if your interest in her is higher than her interest in you when you first meet her, if you do everything right you can make this happen.
So just remember that how interested you are in a woman HAS NO EFFECT on her interest in you except that if you tell her all about it or show it too much she’ll actually lose any interest she may feel for you.
What you need to do instead is show her how you feel in an attractive way by consistently giving her the four things that actually DO raise her interest in you if she’s interested and available already.
Listen, when a woman wants to buy a pair of shoes, she’s super interested in those shoes…
And they can’t even “want her” or “love her back.”
It’s impossible.
And yet, she wants them badly.
That’s how it works when it comes to women dating men too. =)
If you understand and accept this truth, you will be successful with women.
If not, you’ll have a much harder time.
Cheers,
Jim
