Let’s say you meet a woman, go out with her a few times, maybe even hook up with her, and you’re REALLY starting to like her.
She’s amazing…
You might even be in LOVE with her.
Then, she moves away for college or goes home from college for the summer…
Or, she gets a new job in a new city…
Or, she goes on a one-year volunteer trip…
Or, YOU move somewhere else or go somewhere else for an extended period of time.
How do you handle this situation?
In other words, how do you handle a long-distance relationship?
How to Handle a Long-Distance Relationship
Great question…
Here’s the thing: Long-distance relationships can ONLY work if you ALREADY have an established relationship of 2-3 months or more, she’s completely 100% deeply in love with you, and one of you is moving closer to the other at a specific date in the future…
The bottom line?
Long-distance works if she’s already in love with you because she makes it work…
Otherwise, if you have to try to build it, it doesn’t work.
Why not?
A few reasons:
1. Staying in constant contact with her long-distance without being able to actually date her before you have a solid relationship established kills 2 of the 4 attractive male qualities that make her want you/make her like you more over time:
Preselection and Challenge…
Her subconscious female brain will start thinking things like, “Doesn’t this guy have any women he can date near him? Why is he spending so much of his time and energy on me when we can’t even hang out or kiss? We haven’t even known each other that long and we really don’t even know each other that well when you think about it…”
Then, she starts losing attraction more and more over time.
She can’t even help it.
2. One of you will eventually meet someone in your city and start dating them…
3. If you DO end up together after spending so much time talking on the phone, on video calls, and/or chatting online instead of building your relationship in person, the REAL person that you end up with isn’t as good as the IMAGE of her that you’ve built up in your mind.
It’s the same for her too…
Disappointment from this difference between perception and reality cracks open the relationship and then it ends.
So, unless she’s moving back to where you live or you’re moving to where she lives PERMANENTLY at some point soon, you can’t really develop a strong relationship with her.
Remember: We can ONLY build our connections with women in person…
So, you can stay in touch with her and flirt with her a little bit every once in a while if you want. And, when she’s in your city or you visit hers, you can have fun with her, kiss her, etc…
However, you should DEFINITELY start dating other women in your area and you shouldn’t spend too much time thinking about her.
As hard as it might be when you have very strong feelings for her, you have to find a way to move on.
Stop trying to build a long-term relationship with her or at least put it on hold until you move closer together.
Remember: Long-Term is LOCAL.
Again, if one of you moves closer to the other, you can take it normally from there…
Otherwise, it’s a waste of time to focus on her; time you could spend meeting women who are just as good-looking and cool as her in your city who can actually date you.
So stay in contact with her so you can resume your relationship WHEN YOU’RE BOTH IN THE SAME CITY AGAIN if you want, but don’t consider her as a legitimate option for a long-term relationship.
If you want, when she’s leaving, you can say something like, “Hey, I’ve been having so much fun hanging out with you and getting to know you…Let me know when you come back to town and we’ll go out again (and if you’re leaving change it to: “I’ll let you know when I come back to town and we’ll hang out again for sure).”
And then, keep your contact with her to a minimum while you’re not in the same city.
A good woman will understand that if you want to DATE her, you have to do it in person. So, she might not like it, but she’ll UNDERSTAND.
And, when you handle it this way, if you ever do end up in the same place again, you can pick up where you left off and it might work out with her…
However, if you just try to keep it going, she’ll lose interest in you at some point and it will never work with her.
And, by the way, if a woman is 100% interested in you, she won’t want to go ANYWHERE (at least for very long), because she’ll do anything not to lose you. She’ll climb over broken glass to stay with you.
Keep that in mind before you get hung up on a girl 3000 miles away or buy into her excuses as to why she “has to” leave…
Now, again, if she’s your official girlfriend or your wife and she’s deeply in love with you, it can definitely work if one of you goes somewhere for a few months…
As long as it’s clear that you’ll be in the same city again at some exact point in the near future AND you already have an established relationship with her, you can make long-distance work.
In that case, just stay in touch with her by texting with her a little bit every day, video calling with her a few times a week for a few minutes, and then having ONE longer conversation with her each week. In this scenario, you still don’t want to be TOO available while you’re not in the same city…So, don’t sit around video calling her ALL DAY every day; keep living your life and then you’ll have things to share with her when you get to talk to her.
And, I shouldn’t have to mention this, but if you just met her within the last couple of months and she moves away, don’t move just to be with her.
Even if she’s your official girlfriend, don’t move to a new city with her unless you know she wouldn’t move without you for sure or YOU have a good reason to move there too.
If she’s your wife, she gets a sweet job offer in another city, she talks to you about it before she accepts, AND you know she wouldn’t accept the job unless she’s sure that you’re okay with it and that you’ll go with her, THEN you can move with her.
Otherwise, her moving away could be her way of ending things with you…
It’s not a good sign.
And, when you move somewhere just to follow her, it puts you in a horrible position and sets you up for extreme heartache.
That’s not what I want for you.
However, if you move somewhere and she wants to move with you, GREAT! That means she’s actually interested in you…So let her move with you in that case if you want to be with her.
Lastly, the only exception to this rule is that if a woman’s interest in you is 9.5 out of 10 or higher when she first meets you, she might make a long-distance scenario work even if you met her recently.
If that’s the case, trust me, SHE will find a way to keep things going with you.
Remember: Long-distance is EXTREMELY TOUGH…even for established couples who deeply love each other.
So, build your relationships with women in your area and you’ll be much more successful and happy.
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