One of my top clients sent me the following email:
“Jim,
I have a hypothetical question regarding your advice on how to handle her tests. There is a girl that I am interested in, and whom I believe has at least some interest in me. I’ve asked her out and she was polite and said she would get back to me so I’m moving on…
However, if she gets back to me and asks me to go out, I know to let her know I’m busy if she wants to go out the same night, but, if she sets up a date but asks to bring a male friend of hers, then what do I do?
I was wondering if that would be a jealousy test to see if I’m jealous of her male friend? If so, should I stand up for myself and say something like “I’m more interested in learning more about you so that doesn’t sound like a time I would fit in” and then move on, or, should I agree to go along with them and pretend he’s her brother?
I feel like in that circumstance, it’s a catch 22 as: I don’t stand up to her challenge if I go along or I appear jealous if I refuse the invitation.
What are your thoughts?
Thanks!
-M. D.”
First of all, I LOVE it when a guy starts applying what I teach right away and then asks a good, specific question about how to apply it in another situation…
And, a question like this deserves a good answer, so here it is:
Should you accept a group date?
You should NOT accept a “group date” until you’ve been on several one on one dates with her already…
And, by the way, you shouldn’t offer her a group date either.
Why?
Because you must build your connection with her one-on-one in the early stages of dating.
And because a woman who’s interested in you wants to spend time with you one on one…
I mean, do you think she would she invite another guy along if Brad Pitt asked her out or if she invited him to meet up?
Would she bring her friends over to Channing Tatum’s house?
Would she let her family come to her place if Tom Holland was coming over?
Of course not…
Now, once you’ve been dating her for a while, she’ll eventually want to introduce you to her friends, family, etc.
And, at that time, you can go meet them and hang out with them if you want…
However, in the beginning stages of dating, you want to spend time with her one on one:
If she won’t agree to hang out with you one on one she’s not interested in you. It’s that simple.
Now, the only exception to this rule is if she comes from a culture that doesn’t have the idea of what we call “dating.” In that case, you might have to go out with her in a group because it’s the only socially acceptable way that men and women can spend time together.
However, if you’re living in a Western society, she’s simply not interested.
Now, it may be that she’s innocently inviting you to a party, group hangout, etc. and she IS interested…
However, in that case, when you decline her group date invitation and ask her to meet up with you one on one, she’ll agree.
How to Decline a Group Date Invitation
Okay, so we’ve established that you shouldn’t accept a group date (or offer her a group date) until you’ve been dating her for a while…
So, how should you respond if she asks if she can bring a friend on a date, if you want to meet her in a group, etc.?
Well, you should definitely NOT tell her directly that you don’t want to go on a group date…
You should let her get the idea on her own.
How?
Just say, “Hmmm…you know what, I’m actually busy that day…want to meet me for dinner on Wednesday instead?”
Don’t tell her you won’t accept a group date…
Show her you won’t accept a group date by POLITELY DECLINING, then offering her an alternative one on one date.
And, again, if she won’t agree to a one on one date with you, it’s time to move on to the million other awesome women out there who ARE interested in you.
So, to recap, if you’ve been dating her for a while, you can go hang out with her friends, family, etc. if you want…
However, if it’s the first three dates and she insists on having other people around, it’s a HUGE red flag that she’s not actually interested in you and it’s time to move on (unless you’re living in a culture that doesn’t accept “dating”).
Accepting reality may be painful in the short-term, but it gets you closer to long-term success and happiness…
So, do it as quickly as you can.
Until Next Time,
Jim
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