Have you ever stopped and asked yourself why men have to ask the question: “What do women want?” in the first place?
I mean, why don’t we just know what women want naturally?
Well, the main answer to that question is:
Because women want different things than men.
Now, that might sound really obvious, but human beings have a weakness called “empathetic blindness…”
And it basically means that we have a really hard time thinking that other people actually think differently than we do and might really have different tastes and preferences than we do.
That’s one MAJOR reason why both men and women have such a hard time understanding each other…
We have a tendency to assume that what we want is what they want or should want.
Which, of course, is most definitely not the case.
And it’s also why men and women sometimes do things for the opposite sex that they would like or at least would tolerate that end up being completely repulsive to the other person.
For example, if the most gorgeous woman you know who also has a caring, positive personality, a great career that she loves, and who’s self-reliant asks you to be her boyfriend or brings you a nice gift on the first or second date, you probably wouldn’t be turned off by that, right?
Of course not!
That would actually be awesome.
However, no matter how awesome you are, those things would never be awesome to a woman.
In fact, they would be very unattractive to her and she would lose interest in you.
Why?
Mostly because it generally takes women longer to fall in love than men.
Because women are mostly looking for INTERNAL qualities, they have to see how you respond to various situations over time before they commit.
So, even if a woman is very interested in you when she first meets you, it will still take some time before she’s ready to commit to a long-term relationship, especially if she’s relatively psychologically stable (the kind of woman you want to date).
On the other hand, it usually doesn’t take us very long to decide that we want to be with her. =)
So, successful dating in terms of being in a relationship with a woman mostly just means being patient enough to let her interest in you catch up (and pass) your interest in her. <==Read 3X…
If you can do that, you will get everything you want.
And, when you give her a gift in the early stages of dating, you’re telling her that:
1. You think she can be bought…and
2. You’re not valuable enough for her on your own, so you have to make up for it with external things…
…even if you really are a confident guy who doesn’t think she can be bought and you just wanted to be “nice.”
On the other hand, if she gives you a gift, you probably wouldn’t think anything negative about it.
So, again, success with women comes down to being able to get out of your own head, flip the female frame, and give women what they really want/respond to positively instead of what you think they want/should want.
How to Flip the Female Frame…
And now I’m going to give you 7 quick examples of how you can flip the female frame with the women you’re dating starting today:
1. Be the selector…
Listen, here’s how dating works:
Women choose FIRST; then we choose.
What does that mean?
It means that unless a woman is at least a little bit interested in you to begin with, there’s nothing you can do to attract her…
The only thing you can do is take the women who are at least a little bit interested in you already and make them (much) more interested.<==Read 3X.
However, if a woman is interested in you, you can flip the female frame on her and make her more attracted to you…
And one great way to do that is to take on the role of the selector.
How?
Well, when you go on a first, second, or third date with a woman, instead of being completely sold on her and trying to convince her to like you, flip that frame on its head and go into those dates with the mindset of:
I’m not sure about her yet…
Look for her personality traits and internal qualities that you like.
Don’t be so sure about her so soon.
Have some actual standards for what you’re looking for in a woman and stick to them.
And trust me – if a woman likes you this mindset and the behaviors that follow from it will drive her interest UP.
Remember: It takes about 6-9 dates/2-3 months for a woman’s interest to pass yours and solidify at a high level…
So you have to make it to that point if you want her to be deeply in love with you.
Instead of thinking of the first couple of dates with a woman as her first impression of you, think of the first NINE and you’ll do much better.
2. Use INDIRECT communication.
Women love to read between the lines…
In general, female communication tends to be more indirect than male communication.
That’s why women think they’re giving off REALLY OBVIOUS signs of interest when you have no idea:
To them, these subtle clues ARE really obvious.
So, that’s one more reason NOT to “tell her how you feel.”
It’s much more powerful to SHOW her how you feel by attracting her properly.
Let her wonder about what things mean and figure things out on her own – she LOVES playing detective.
Unless of course you hate beautiful women being extremely attracted to you…
You can also tell stories about your life that highlight your good qualities instead of telling her you have those qualities directly.
So, “I was SO nervous that my legs were shaking, but I went skydiving anyway. And I’m really glad I did it.”
Is a million times better than saying, “So, yeah, one thing I love about myself is how BRAVE I am. It’s awesome.”
Show; don’t tell.
One more way to do this when you’re already in a relationship is to talk in general terms when you want to talk about you and her…
So, instead of saying, “We don’t eat healthy enough and I think it’s horrible.”
You can say, “I read an article the other day that couples who eat healthy food together in the mornings are a lot happier and have better relationships. Do you think we should try that? I have a few ideas…”
Referring to other couples in general makes a message softer and less direct.
Use it with sensitive subjects for a higher probability of a positive response.
3. Tease her playfully…
Even if we forget, women generally remember that teasing is flirting.
It’s like a boy and girl who like each other pushing each other playfully on the playground back in 4th grade.
Just make sure she knows you’re being PLAYFUL when you tease her and not mean-spirited…
And when she teases you, respond to it as if it’s a huge compliment.
Because it most likely IS (an indicator of interest).
4. Don’t bring her gifts or flowers…
Let her bring you stuff if she wants.
When a woman brings you a gift in the beginning stages of dating, it does NOT make you less interested in her in general.
And, when a woman does something for you, it makes her like you more.
However, when you bring her a gift, it almost always lowers her interest.
The best you can do is break even; so don’t do it.
5. Let HER touch YOU for the most part.
When you’re on a date, you want to see if she touches you versus trying to touch her all the time.
Why?
Because a woman touching you is a HUGE indicator of interest – if she doesn’t touch you at least once on a date (tap you on the arm when you tease her, etc.) I would assume she’s NOT interested and move on.
And, only she knows when the time is right for touching.
Now, you can give her some touches as long as you start with very innocent touches, you know what you’re doing and you’re comfortable with it, and you take them away BEFORE she wants you to…
However, for the most part, you want to see if SHE touches YOU at any point during the date, especially if you want a long-term relationship.
The exception to this:
Going for a kiss.
That’s your job.
So is escalating physically beyond the kiss…
And, you should definitely go for a kiss by the end of your second date with a woman unless you just want to be friends with her.
Before that, however, it’s better to sit back and let her touch you for the most part (unless you’re JUST filtering in women who want a quick hookup and filtering out the rest).
And when a woman is comfortable with you and interested in you enough to start touching you, that’s a very good position to be in.
Imagine this – you sitting back, just relaxing and having a good time while she comes over to you and sits on your lap.
That’s what we want.
6. When you’re getting physical with her, put some of her clothes back on her sometimes, stop sometimes, and make her say, “please” before you give it to her sometimes.
When you flip the female frame in the bedroom it fans her flames into a bonfire of desire. =)
This is why a lot of women like to tease men in the bedroom before the real “action” gets going…
And I don’t know about you, but most men seem to be just as happy with a woman NOT teasing them in the bedroom at all as they are with her building things up…
For most women, that’s definitely not true.
The more teasing/buildup the better.
So, flip the female frame and make her beg for you to finally gratify her desire.
If you have the self-control to do this, she’ll never say she “has a headache.” =)
7. Use common female lines on them.
This one is really funny and attractive.
Some examples that I love:
“I bet you say that to all the boys” – after she gives you a compliment.
“Jeez, is that ALL you girls think about” 😉 – any time she makes any sexual reference.
“Listen, I’m not a piece of meat…I’m a person with feelings,” 😉 – when she expresses her desire for you or just looks at you longer than normal.
Etc.
Now, when it comes to dating women, you still have to LEAD…
For example, you have to start the conversation most of the time, you have to ask for her number, ask her out, go for a kiss, etc…
However, in-between those “checkpoints,” if you flip the female frame on her and play the role of the selector, you will be rewarded with an abundance of positive female attention.
Here’s to your massive success…
Until Next Time,
Jim
Advanced Free Training:
Attract Women Without Words – Brad Pitt’s Body Language Secrets
How to Attract a Devoted Girlfriend or Wife – The Formula
How to Get Her Number and Text Her – Free E-Book
