If you fully grasp the main principle and basic attitude behind this article, your success with women will double.
So, I highly encourage you to think deeply about it as you read…
I’m going to tell you a quick story that illustrates the concept of nonreacitvity and how it can help you attract women in general and maybe even help you date women you might think are out of your league at the moment.
It helps you with every woman you date, so I would say that it’s critical if you want to attract a woman and keep her around.
It’s also a concept that makes you a better man in general and helps you navigate life more smoothly.
So, let’s get into it…
The Attractive Power or NONREACTIVITY…
About fifteen or sixteen years ago, when I was first learning the attractive principles I share with you on this website, I was in college.
And at my university campus there was an absolutely gorgeous young woman working in the bookstore…
So, of course, I developed a big crush on her and wanted to date her.
And one day I finally got the courage up to start talking to her at the service desk where she worked…
And, because I had already learned that you should always ask for a woman’s phone number if you’re interested in her, I forced myself to ask for her number at the end of our conversation even though I was physically shaking from nervousness.
I had so much adrenaline coursing through my body that I nearly blacked out…
Now, I wasn’t sure if she would give me her number or not.
I mean this girl could date any guy she wanted…
She could easily attract a former Navy SEAL fitness coach who also happens to have a Ph.D. in astrophysics, a mansion in Beverly Hills, and a personality perfectly balanced between charming, funny, challenging, supportive, and real.
(And, by the way, she did end up marrying a guy kinda like that…).
But I had to ask for her number, so I did.
And guess what?
She gave me her number!!!
On a light-pink, heart-shaped piece of paper no less (yep, I still remember haha).
Was I excited?
Hell yes.
But I was also nervous…
Because now I had to actually ask her out for a date and face rejection again.
However, I also knew that I should wait a few days and then ask her out no matter what.
So, I stuck to the plan, waited between four and nine days, and then asked her out even though it almost killed me to wait so long.
And, when I asked her out, I asked her to meet me at a specific time, on a specific day, at a specific place.
I think it was for coffee.
And guess what?
She said YES!
And, she actually showed up for the date…
Now, another thing I had recently learned back then is that we have to look at the woman’s interest in us and ignore our interest in them because our interest in a woman doesn’t make her more interested in us.
It’s an irrelevant factor when it comes to attracting her.
And I had also just learned that a woman will go out with you for 100’s of different reasons, only one of which is that she is actually interested in YOU.
Which means that just because a woman shows up for a date with you does NOT mean she’s interested in you. You have to find out over the first two to three dates if she’s for real or not.
Everything else is just flirtation that may or may not mean anything.
I mean, a woman who isn’t interested in you will still give you her number a high percentage of the time. And many women will go out with you even if they aren’t interested in you, so you have to pay attention and see:
Does she accept all of your date invitations with no excuses? And, if she’s genuinely busy on the day you offer to meet up with her, does she suggest a SPECIFIC alternative date and time to meet up (let’s do it some other time doesn’t count)?
Does she show up for every date (on time)?
Does she have fun with you or is her body language closed off and cold?
Does she touch you, at least once, at least in some small way on every date?
Does she kiss you or kiss you back (enthusiastically) by the end of your second date?
Does she show up for your third date? <==This is a very strong indicator of high interest, especially if she has been kissing you passionately when you go for a kiss.
Those are the signs you have to look for so you don’t waste your time, money, and energy on women who aren’t into you and so you can be with a woman who is interested in you sooner.
So, I looked for signs of interest on our date.
And, while we had a pretty good time together, I noticed that she didn’t touch me at all. Not even once. Not even a little tap on my arm when I teased her.
I knew that was a big sign that a woman is NOT interested in a man, so I figured she wasn’t interested in me at all and that she just went out with me because I showed so much courage and she didn’t want to say no and hurt my feelings.
Or something like that.
And, hey, no worries…
I was still proud of myself for asking for her number, asking her out, and doing everything right on our date.
I realized there was nothing more I could do to raise her interest because her interest in me was 0, so I decided to just move on…
I didn’t say anything bad to her or get pissed off or upset in front of her. I just finished the date and told her, “Hey, thanks for the fun time” at the end.
And then I simply went home and didn’t call or text her again after our date.
In other words, I didn’t REACT.
So, guess what happened next?
After a week or two had gone by, she asked me out on a date!
Now, again, I was still very new to all of this dating stuff back then and I didn’t fully realize how powerful these ideas can be, so I just thought she liked me as a friend and wanted to hang out again as a friend.
And I thought she was a really cool person too so I didn’t mind…
I had already “gone for it,” so there wouldn’t be some kind of weird friend zone situation where the guy hides his feelings and springs them on her later.
I already showed her from the beginning that I wanted to date her.
So, in this case, I thought it was worth being friends with her and I knew nothing more would happen.
I agreed to meet up with her again…
And guess what she said to me then?
“Why didn’t you call me again after our date?!” she demanded. <==When a woman says something like this to you, you know challenge and nonreactivity are working and her interest in you is going UP.
I replied, “Well, it didn’t seem like you were very interested in me on our date so I decided to move on. I mean, it’s not a really a big deal.”
“You know, you are literally the first guy who’s EVER stopped contacting me in my entire life,” she told me.
And at that moment I could tell that the fact that I didn’t REACT and that in her mind I was a CHALLENGE because I had stopped contacting her had made her look at me in a whole new light.
In other words, her interest in me had gone WAY up.
It was an interesting feeling to have her seeing me that way all of a sudden after I was sure I would never talk to her again.
Now, back then I didn’t have a very nuanced understanding of this stuff, so I still assumed her interest in me was 0 and I had already given up. <==This is much better than assuming a woman’s interested in you when she’s not.
Remember: It’s ALWAYS safer to underrate a woman’s interest in you than to overrate it.
So, even if you think her interest in you is 9 out of 10 when you meet her, act as if you think her interest is only 3 out of 10 because you will do much better that way.
These days I would know that her interest in me on our first date was actually between 0.1 and 1 (barely open to you if you do absolutely everything right and work challenge to the max) and that her interest in me had now risen to around 5 or 6 out of 10 purely because she had NEVER experienced a guy being a challenge before.
So, if I had understood that, I could have dated her and kept raising her interest in me.
However, I didn’t understand that so I never made another move. I just stayed friends with her and kept hanging out with her in that capacity after that.
And she wanted to be around me all the time.
She even started buying me coffees, lunches, dinners, and inviting me over to her house.
And she would drop really obvious hints that I should make a move but I had already given up.
It’s insane how powerful this stuff can be: A few years later I took a different woman I was dating out for dinner and the young woman I’ve been talking about was our server…
She still looked at me with respect, admiration, and interest even after all that time had gone by.
So, if you can show a woman that you’re DIFFERENT from all the guys who chase her all around town that she eventually gets rid of, you have no idea how many “points” you get for that.
Especially if she’s so attractive that she’s literally never experienced a guy being a challenge in her life.
Now, I didn’t mean to be a challenge exactly.
The real key here is that I didn’t REACT.
So, when something happens, like a woman doesn’t give you her number, she says no to your date invite, she turns her head to the side when you try to kiss her, etc. you don’t REACT.
You play it cool.
You say to yourself, “Hmm, I guess maybe she’s not interested in me. Okay, well, no big deal. At least I went for it.”
Then, you deal with the woman politely.
She declines your date offer (after you worked up the courage to ask for her number and then ask her out)?
You reply: ‘No problem’ and then stop contacting her.
She turns her head when you go for a kiss in your car at the end of your second date?
You walk her to her door, politely say goodnight, walk back to your car, drive home, and stop contacting her.
When something strange happens, you don’t REACT. You pull back and wait.
Because here’s the thing: If a woman’s interest in you is 0, there is NOTHING you can do to raise her interest in you. So, in that case, it doesn’t matter at all what you do.
So, not contacting her again is the right play and she will be glad you took the hint.
And, if her interest in you is just low (like 1-3) but it’s still there a little bit or she has high interest in you (like 6-8) but there’s some other factor you don’t know about that caused her behavior, when you stop contacting her it raises her interest in you while continuing to contact her after an incident like that lowers her interest in you.
So, not contacting her again is the right play in this case as well.
Because if she actually is a little bit interested in you and you just misread the situation, she will eventually contact you.
And, if and when she contacts you, you can resume everything from there (like I should have but didn’t).
Remember: It’s your inaction and the fact that you DON’T REACT that turns a woman on, not incessantly chasing her.
So, show the courage to start talking to her, ask for her number, ask her out, and go for a kiss…
And then, if things don’t go your way, DON’T REACT.
Because if her interest in you is 0 you stop wasting time and energy on a woman who’s not into you and if her interest in you is >0 her interest in you will go up and she will definitely find a way to get in touch with you.
On the other hand, if you keep contacting her or have some kind of negative emotional reaction in front of her:
If she IS interested in you you will drive her interest into the ground until she never wants to see you again and if she’s not interested in you you’ll just be wasting your time and energy annoying her.
So, when you don’t REACT and you simply stop contacting her, you always win and when you REACT and/or continue to contact her, you always lose.
Not reacting and cutting off contact is always the right play in a situation like this.
When you understand this concept, you understand women.
And, by the way, even when things do go your way, don’t chase her…
Just keep asking her to meet up with you, having fun with her, and then waiting four to eight days after each date to ask her to meet up with you again.
Because when you demonstrate courage by taking action to ask her out (and then ask her out again) AND ALSO show NONREACTIVITY, SELF-CONTROL, and CHALLENGE at the same time by not asking her out again right away after your date, giving her time and space to think and wonder about you in-between dates, and not chasing her like every other guy she meets, she eventually falls deeply in love with you.
And that’s when (usually sometime during the sixth-tenth dates with her) she will bring up the topic of being in a relationship with you.
And that’s how you know it’s the right time to ask her to be your girlfriend if you want: When she’s ready as demonstrated by her bringing it up first.
Remember: After you show the courage to take one step forward, Patience, Nonreactivity, Self-Control, and Challenge are the keys to women.
It’s this dance of “push” and “pull” that drives her crazy for you.
And when she falls deeply in love with you, you both win. =)
Alright sir, I hope you found this helpful.
Until Next Time,
Jim
Advanced Free Training:
Attract Women Without Words – Brad Pitt’s Body Language Secrets
How to Attract a Devoted Girlfriend or Wife – The Formula
How to Get Her Number and Text Her – Free E-Book
