Success with women is built on several paradoxes…
For example, is it better to be a jerk or a wimp?
Neither…
It’s better to be GENTLE (softer side) AND a MAN (rougher side)…
If the MAN or the GENTLE part is missing, it’s not nearly as good.
One way to think of a paradox is when two things that seem contradictory actually work better when both are present at the same time…
And, because the best approach to dating is often a paradox, I’m going to cover 3 specific dating paradoxes that allow you become more naturally attractive to women in this article.
Sometimes these little changes in our general approach to dating can make a big difference when it comes to your results…
So I encourage you to take what you read here now and then think about how you can start applying it for the rest of the day.
Ask yourself: Have I leaned too heavily to one side or the other in any of these 3 paradoxes?
Is there a way I can have a little rougher edge if I’m generally a good guy? Or, how can I focus on being more playful if I’m a little too biting and sarcastic?
Where do I need to turn the volume up or down a little bit to be more successful?
Etc.
3 Powerful Dating PARADOXES That
Make You More Attractive to Women…
Let’s start off with a really important one:
Dating Paradox #1: Interested AND Indifferent/Nonchalant…
A lot of guys are simply too needy when they’re interested in a woman…
And, if a guy starts learning more about attraction, at some point he realizes that being needy is like female repellent and then another problem often comes up:
He starts pretending not to be interested in the women he likes.
In other words, he starts only pushing women away.
Well, being needy doesn’t work and neither does only pushing women away…
What we want to do is pull her in a little bit AND push her away a little bit at the same time.
That way, your “bow” will be fully flexed and your “arrow” can hit your target. <==Is it a coincidence that Cupid has a bow and arrow?
Maybe…
Here’s the key:
You want to be INTERESTED (own your interest in her; if she calls you on it don’t deny it)…
AND, at the same time, you don’t want to be so sure about her so soon…
You want to be indifferent to all outcomes with her and take your time getting to know her to see if your interest in her is justified or not.
If you’re interested in her AND indifferent/nonchalant/not attached to outcomes/want to get to know her before you decide how much you really like her AT THE SAME TIME, then you have the ultimate attitude that gives you the best chance with her. <==This is what woman want…they know you’re interested in them but you’re not 100% SOLD on them yet…and that gives her an opportunity to show you how amazing she really is as a person.
Guy #1: Way too interested, way too soon…
Guy #2: Denies his interest when he likes a woman…
US: Yeah, of course we’re interested; AND, we’re not completely sold yet. Let’s see how this plays out…
Make sense?
Awesome.
Let’s move on to the next one:
Dating Paradox #2: Playful AND High-Status…
When guys first hear that women are attracted to men who are “high-status,” a lot of them think of James Bond…
And they think that being like James Bond means going out to a fancy club with a nice suit and never smiling.
WRONG.
Listen, women like relaxed men who smile more than uptight men who don’t.
On the other hand, women aren’t very attracted to men who smile a lot with their mouths…
Women are attracted to men who smile playfully with their eyes. <==You can call this a “smirk” or just a “real smile.”
And women also don’t like clowns or guys who put themselves down just to get a laugh…
Women want to laugh AT YOUR JOKES, not at you.
In fact, the best situation you can be in is when SHE’S laughing while you’re just playfully smiling with your eyes. <==This is called winning…
So, the key to this one is to keep your dates light and playful AND, at the same time, make sure you’re doing it in a way that doesn’t lower your value in her mind.
And that means:
-Playfully tease her (if she’s laughing at herself for something silly while you smile playfully with your eyes, then you’re being playful AND high-status at the same time).
-DO NOT use self-deprecating humor (putting yourself down implies that she’s better than you or you are worse than her = low self-worth = low-status. Now, you can do this if she already thinks you’re super high-status…so, if you’re a celebrity, you can do this a little bit until she feels comfortable with you. Then, stop. Otherwise, don’t do it for the most part).
-Cut out SARCASM…judgment and sarcasm are twin, low-status brothers. Also, sarcasm isn’t playful. Avoid it.
Guy #1: Gets way too serious way too soon; he also takes himself and life way too seriously…
Guy #2: Makes fun of himself too much and puts on a “clown show…”
US: We keep things light and playful on dates AND we don’t put ourselves in a lower position than the woman we’re dating to do it.
We also switch gears to get to know her vs. just joking around the whole time while always maintaining a light, playful, relaxed, fun atmosphere in the background.
Okay, last one:
Dating Paradox #3: Leading AND Being a Challenge…
Did you know that our best-selling Attract and Keep Her system was almost called “Always Lead Never Chase?”
True story.
And that means I clearly think this one is important when it comes to your dating and relationship success.
See, here’s the thing:
There’s a dangerous myth in our society than men are the pursuers when it comes to dating…
Nope.
It’s actually more natural for women to chase men.
Here’s the truth: The most natural role for a man is to be the LEADER…
Then, on the other hand, it’s the female role to be the PURSUER…
And while some women are needy in general, chasing a man actually makes most women more attractive and more fun to be around because her increasing interest brings out her best qualities while chasing a woman makes a man less attractive.
This is by far the biggest mindset shift you can make when it comes to attracting women (it’s natural for women to pursue men).
And, it happens to reflect REALITY even though it cuts through almost everything we’ve been told our entire lives.
Understand this truth and the world is your oyster.
So, you want to lead AND not chase her at the same time.
In other words, you want to take a step forward and then take a step back…
Or, in even better words, you want to lead AND be a challenge with women.
Remember: Leading is not the same thing as chasing.
Play your role in this dance and let her play hers.
Guy #1: Continues to chase a woman until she rejects him…
Guy #2: Never takes action to lead the interaction forward…
US: We start a conversation with her AND we end it on a high note and ask for her number vs. trying to make the conversation last for hours…
-We don’t text her 1000 times a day…
-Then, after a few days, we ask her out on a date..
-If she declines our offer without offering a specific alternative day and time that work for her, we DO NOT ask her out again (this = chasing; which is her job)…
-If she accepts and show up for the date, we have fun with her and keep it light and playful. AND, at the same time, We DO NOT ask her out again on the date. We don’t tell her we will call her. We DO NOT tell her how much we like her. We just say, “Thanks for the fun time tonight Adelaide…” at the end of the date and then smile with our eyes and walk away.
-We give her a few days to think about us by keeping our texting to a minimum between dates (and we give her the opportunity text us first if she wants) AND, once these few days have passed, we lead it one more step forward by asking her out again.
-We go for a kiss by the end of the second date AND we pull back from the kiss first so she wants more…
Etc.
Your ability to take a bold step forward AND maintain self-control and take a step back at the same time basically determines how successful you can be with women. <==This “push-pull” behavior is what drives women CRAZY for you…it’s like catnip for beautiful, amazing women.
And most women have NEVER met a guy who can do both…
So, this paradox can take you wherever you want to go if you let it.
And if you want to know every possible way to lead AND be a challenge at the same time, then grab your copy of AAKH if you haven’t already…
Or, inside the FDG system we cover the dating PARADIGMS that can take you to the next level. These are similar to the paradoxes we just covered because they present two general approaches to dating: The most common one and the most successful one. When you decide to adopt the one that’s more successful for yourself, it corrects many small behaviors that might be holding you back all at once. So, if you’re interested in that, join us inside FDG right now if you haven’t already.
Until Next Time,
Jim
Advanced Free Training:
Attract Women Without Words – Brad Pitt’s Body Language Secrets
How to Attract a Devoted Girlfriend or Wife – The Formula
How to Get Her Number and Text Her – Free E-Book
