Ahhh, those “3 magic words” that “women love to hear…”
But do they really though?
Well, like most things when it comes to male/female dynamics, the answer is IT DEPENDS…
So let me give you the foundational principle behind saying I love you right away (and then we can get into the details later):
Saying “I love you” or expressing your feelings for a woman CANNOT (ever) make her like you or love you or like you or love you more.
Ever…
On the other hand, once a woman is ALREADY deeply in love with you, those 3 words can make her feel really good as long as you don’t say them too often.
So, when should we say “I love you” to a woman?
Excellent question.
And a much more important one than most men think…
When should we say, “I Love You” to a woman?
So here’s a quick guide to saying “I love you” to a woman:
*You may find yourself resisting some of these ideas at first…
I’m not asking you to accept them or telling you what to do. I’m just asking you to consider what I’m saying for a minute and then decide for yourself how to handle this because I’m truly here for your benefit (and for the benefit of the women you connect with), because this subject can be counterintuitive, and because it’s much more important and powerful than most people, especially men, tend to think.*
1. You should not say those words to a woman or tell her how you feel about her in the early stages of dating…
Why?
Many, many reasons…
First of all, even if you do mean it, chances are high that she won’t believe you…
See, here’s another super important principle to understand about women:
Women tend to fall in love SLOWER than men…
So while you might be interested in her at a 9.5 out of 10 after one conversation or one date, it’s generally going to take her a lot longer to get to that point even if she likes you a lot right away.
And that means that women don’t generally think it can be REAL that you “love” her after one or two dates.
Even worse if you’ve never even had a conversation with her and you’ve just been “crushing” on her from afar.
I mean, in her mind (and in reality) you don’t even know her very well yet…
In fact, it actually takes about 2 years of being with someone to fully get to know them.
So, how could you be in love with her after just a couple of dates when you (truly) barely know her?
Exactly.
You can’t.
And most (all?) women are going to think about it this way.
What you’re really saying, then, if you say, “I love you” on the first date is:
“I love the way you look, I have a huge crush on the image of you I created in my mind, my interest in you is SUPER HIGH, and I don’t need to see any more than the surface level of your personality that we’ve already explored…
I mean, you look good, have a nice smile, and you’ve been nice to me so far…what more could a guy ask for?!
I’m sold.
Now, let me sell you on me and why you should love me too.”
I know, it says a lot right?
And none of the things it says are good for you (or for her at the end of the day).
So, DON’T say those words in the early stages of dating (or express how you feel in general – same thing). =)
Instead, SHOW HER how you feel.
When you ask for her number, ask her out on a date, go for a kiss, and then ask her out again, YOU ARE TELLING HER that you’re interested in her…
You’re just doing it in an attractive way with your ACTIONS vs. verbalizing your feelings with your mouth.
You’re not “holding back” or playing games at all even if your feelings for her are super strong…
You’re just communicating your feelings in a better, more attractive way.
And:
Secondly, just like we already talked about, telling a woman how you feel DOES NOT raise her interest level…
And, because it can easily be way too much way too soon for her, it CAN lower her interest level (this is one of the biggest causes of falling female interest).
And here’s the thing:
The ONLY thing we are focused on in the early stages of dating a woman (the first 6-10 dates) is RAISING HER interest level…
So, if telling her you love her or telling her how you feel CANNOT raise her interest level in you and it can lower it, should we do it?
Up to you boss. =)
2. It’s okay to say, “I love you” once she says it to you FIRST…
Why?
Because when she says it she’s really saying, “My interest in you has risen to at least 9 out of 10…good job!!! I’m so glad you kept your mouth shut until now so I could keep increasing my feelings for you.”
And, at this point, you can say it back to her as a reward for her raising her interest in you and for being an amazing woman so far.
Just like giving a woman flowers, once she’s in love with you it’s a reward for her being an awesome person and it makes her feel good but giving her flowers before that can be seen as an attempt to “make her like you more” and it can make her sick to her stomach if she’s not there yet.
Remember: She DOES NOT want to hear “those 3 magic words” if she’s not already deeply in love with you…
I mean, would you like it or even care if some random rubenesque woman you weren’t attracted to you told you she loves you?
Of course not…
You have to care FIRST before those words feel good to you.
And, until her interest in you is 9 out of 10 or higher, those words won’t make her feel the way you want them to.
So just wait until she’s deeply in love with you (for sure) and then you can say them.
Make sense?
Excellent.
3. Even after she’s in love with you, you should say, “I love you” to a woman infrequently…
And, instead, SHOW her that you love her by following the maintenance program that keeps her in love with you (see the Attract and Keep Her System for this)…
I mean, lots of guys (and women) out there say “I love you” to their partners and then treat them like sh*t and take them for granted.
Because it’s easier to say the words than to do the actions required to show someone you love them.
But if you want her to stay deeply in love with you, then you must follow the maintenance program to show your love and keep those words to a minimum or at least back them up with your actions.
Plus, on the other side of this, we want these words to have VALUE and for them to be SPECIAL…
So try to limit how often you say them.
Save them for special occasions where they can really be impactful.
Examples of special occasions when it’s good to say “I love you” to a woman:
-You ask her to marry you and she says, “Yes!!!”
-On your wedding day…
-After she has your child…
-After she was fired from her job and had 16 other bad things happen to her in one day and she still bought you your favorite snack on the way home and brought it to you…
-On your 25th wedding anniversary…
Etc.
Now, here’s another thing:
Don’t always say “I love you” back to her every time she says she loves you…
Sometimes, when she tells you she loves you, just say, “I know…” =)
Sometimes, ask her, “How much?” 😉
Sometimes, ask her, “What do you love about me the most?”
Etc.
And then, sometimes, say, “I love you” back.
Do not get into a pattern where she can say those words just to hear them back from you or start to count how many times each of you say them vs. the other.
And if she asks you, “Do you love me?”
Sometimes, say, “Almost as much as you love me…” 😉
And then, sometimes, say, “Of course I do. You’re easy to love.”
You get the point…
4. And then, if she gets frustrated that you’re not saying those words enough and she lets you know about it, then just say:
“Would it make you feel better if I said it?”
And if she says, “Well, yeah…”
Then say, “Ok, ready? I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you…is that better? ;-)”
And then go back to SHOWING her how much you love her by the way you treat her and saying those words on special occasions only.
Alright, so that’s how we should handle saying “I love you” to a woman…
Those 3 little words can be more powerful than we think so be careful out there. =)
And, if you want to know what you should say to a woman in your first couple of conversations with her, then grab the FLIRTING MASTER program if you haven’t already.
Until Next Time,
Jim
