I got a question from one of my top clients a while back that went something like this:
“Hey Jim, it seems like there’s a fine line between leading/taking action and chasing a woman…
When should you be proactive and when should you hold back and be a challenge?
What’s the difference between leading things forward and chasing her/making HER the prize/devaluing yourself in the interaction?
Can you elaborate? It will really help me out…”
First of all, GREAT QUESTION…
This difference, the fine line between leading things forward with a woman and chasing her is EXTREMELY important when it comes to your dating success.
See, most guys either express their interest too much or they wait way too long, get put in the friend zone, and THEN express a huge amount of interest all at once, which surprises her because she’s thought of him as a friend for so long at that point…
And then, once guys realize that being needy and/or randomly springing interest on a woman doesn’t work, they start acting ALOOF…
…and PRETENDING they don’t want her.
And that doesn’t work either.
Because let me explain something:
She KNOWS you’re interested…
Especially if she’s good-looking.
So OWNING your interest in her, accepting it, and expressing it is NOT the problem…
Wanting her is not the same thing as CHASING her.
Not at all.
OF COURSE YOU WANT HER…
It’s actually no big deal, and it’s a good thing.
It’s just that the WAY you express your interest is the key.
Listen, if you play poker, you don’t have to go “all-in” and bet ALL of your chips to win the pot. You can bet 1/3-1/2 of the pot and get the EXACT same effect as you would if you bet everything you have.
That’s one of the principles that allows you to be more successful in poker tournaments:
Making smaller bets allows you to be aggressive more often, win more pots, and protect your stack while getting you the same results as betting ALL your chips every time.
And it’s the same thing with women: Making smaller moves more often by actively expressing your interest in her in an attractive way gets you MUCH better results.
Now, you can’t just sit there and never “bet” or take any risks if you want success…
You still have to TAKE ACTION…you just have to do it in a way that minimizes your risk and maximizes your chances of WINNING.
And the way you express interest in an ATTRACTIVE WAY is by:
1. Leading…
2. ACTIVELY encouraging her to chase you, and, at the same time…
3. REFUSING to chase her…
That’s how you lead things forward and still remain a challenge. That’s how you show interest but not too much.
That’s how you win: Pull her in AND push her away at the same time.
Always pulling her in: “I like you, I like you, I like you, you’re SO amazing, do you like me, do you like me, do you like me?”
KILLS any attraction she might feel for you.
And always pushing her away: “I’m not interested in you AT ALL (pretend tough face with arms crossed)” also CRUSHES her interest in you.
You have to do both – show interest AND be a challenge at the same time.
When you master that, you start getting everything you want when it comes to women.
LEADING vs. CHASING…
So, here are some examples of leading vs. chasing so the idea of pulling and pushing at the same time really starts to sink in for you:
1. Going up to her and talking to her is LEADING…
Pointing your whole body – your head, shoulders, hips, and feet at her while you’re talking to her for the first time is CHASING.
So, try standing next to her and just turning your head to talk to her when you first meet her instead if you can.
Then, as she earns it by teasing back with you, having fun with you, answering your open-ended questions, playfully hitting your arm, and generally engaging in the conversation with you, gradually turn more of your body toward her.
ACTIVELY ENCOURAGE her to chase you, then REWARD her when she does, and then REFUSE to chase her…
Make sense?
2. Getting her number is LEADING…
Texting her 3,000 times after that is CHASING.
3. Asking her to meet up on a specific day at a specific time for a specific activity is LEADING…
Asking her what she wants to do and when is CHASING…
(Trust me, just offer something specific and if she has a better idea at that point she’ll let you know. But it’s always better to plan everything yourself and offer her something specific even if she doesn’t like your idea because you are LEADING. That’s the key).
4. Having a great time with her on a date is LEADING…
Asking her, “When can I see you again,” or asking her out again on that same date or too soon after the date is CHASING.
5. Waiting a few days after your awesome date and then asking her to meet up again on a specific day at a specific time that you choose for a specific activity that you GENUINELY want to do is LEADING…
Texting her 9,352 times between dates, asking her what her schedule looks like, and trying to figure out what she might want to do too much is CHASING.
6. Going for a kiss is LEADING…
Making the kiss too long is chasing.
So, always pull back from the kiss first; before SHE wants to.
That’s what drives her crazy for you:
Pull her in a little bit, push her away a little bit, then reward her when she chases you for more.
BOTH sides of this take COURAGE:
It takes courage to ask for her number, ask her out for a specific activity, and go for the kiss…
And, it also takes courage to hold back from texting her a million times, wait a while to ask her out again when you REALLY like her, and pull back from the kiss first.
That’s why she LOVES it: It shows her that you are INTERNALLY STRONG…and that’s what women want.
So start pulling her in, then playfully pushing her away, then rewarding her when she chases you.
And, again, REFUSE to chase her.
For example, if she says no to a date invitation, don’t ask her out again until SHE re-engages YOU.
Spend ALL of your TIME and ENERGY on women who are interested in you. Show your interest a little bit, give her the opportunity to show some back, reward her if she does, move on if she doesn’t, and then REPEAT. <==Read 3X…
That’s the entire “game” guys.
Always remember:
Always Lead, Never Chase…
And then, when you start seeing the results come in, send us your success stories.
Until Next Time,
Jim
Advanced Free Training:
Attract Women Without Words – Brad Pitt’s Body Language Secrets
How to Attract a Devoted Girlfriend or Wife – The Formula
How to Get Her Number and Text Her – Free E-Book
