Most guys live their entire lives making one HUGE mistake in their interactions with women.
Look around you and you’ll see it everywhere you go.
Even guys who know a lot about women still tend to make this mistake.
It leads you to nothing but endless frustration and prevents your natural confidence from coming out.
Correcting it can change your life more than any other principle I know.
Before I begin, I want to warn you:
What you’re about to read might be shocking at first, but I’d like you to read this article with an open mind because understanding what I’m about to reveal is one of the biggest keys to your dating success and ultimate happiness in life…
…I want you to take a moment and think about all the women you’re currently interested in.
Get a really good mental picture of all the women you want right now.
Now, get rid of those images completely.
Throw them away.
Why?
Because it doesn’t matter if you’re interested in her.
The only question that matters: Is SHE interested in YOU?
It’s HER strength of interest that counts.
If she’s a little bit interested in you initially, you can make her like you more based on your behavior.
But if she’s not interested in you at least a little bit, there is literally nothing you can do.
Even if she was interested in you at some point, if her interest falls too far, you can never get it back (even if you’ve been married for 37 years).
Anyone who tells you that you can get any woman you want by using some technique or tactic is lying to you (probably to take your money).
What you can do is take the women who like you a little bit and make them like you a lot more.
Telling her how interested you are in her doesn’t work because your interest in her doesn’t make her like you more.
Usually, verbalizing your interest directly makes her like you LESS.
Because women are naturally attracted to two main things (beyond initial physical attraction):
- The active demonstration of real internal value/strength and
- Pre-selection (you have many options on her level),
telling her how interested you are in her as a ploy to make her like you actually KILLS her attraction for you if it was there before because it shows her that she is your best or only option and that you don’t value yourself (you are saying you are not complete without her).
How interested you are in her is irrelevant.
It doesn’t matter what her value is to you. It only matters what your value is to her.
Haven’t you ever been interested in someone who wasn’t interested in you?
Did it matter that they didn’t like you back or did you keep liking them?
It’s the same for her.
Your level of interest and her level of interest are completely separate.
The woman you want (that I asked you to forget)? She’s interested in LOTS of guys who aren’t interested in her (think celebrity crushes that will never happen and probably lots of guys in her real life too…).
Over time, if she shows interest in a guy and he never shows any back, she might give up.
But you telling a woman how interested you are in her has nothing to do with whether or not she likes you.
In addition to keeping your feelings for her to yourself, don’t ever say, “You’re just scared,” or anything like that to a woman.
She’s NOT scared. She’s just not interested.
Is she scared of shopping at her favorite store? No, because she’s ACTUALLY interested in that.
The definition of “creepy” is trying to get something from someone that they don’t want to give you willingly.
Imagine for a second that you’re walking down the street and you’re approached by a beggar who asks you for money.
How do you feel?
Even if you’re a good person, you probably still feel a little bit uncomfortable because the beggar is trying to take advantage of how nice you are.
When you approach dating from the “trying to get” mentality and only focus on YOUR interest in women (selfishly), you are approaching women as the beggar.
And they will feel that way around you.
Now, imagine walking down the same street and running into a cute “Red Bull” girl. She has a radiant smile and all she wants to do is give you the gift of a delicious Red Bull for free.
How do you feel?
Do you feel resistant to her the same way you did the beggar even if you’re not a big fan of Red Bull?
When you approach dating by looking at HER level of interest in you first and working from that place, THAT’S how women will feel around you.
I highly encourage you to stop chasing women or “trying to get” them and encourage the ones who are interested in you to chase you instead. <===This is what “good game” really is, and by the way, is also the key to happy long-term relationships because a woman who likes you a lot is a much better partner than a woman who likes you a little bit or ends up NOT liking you at all…
You also screen out women who are interested in other things besides YOU this way (your money, simply not being alone, etc.).
A woman who is highly interested in you is not afraid of anything…
A woman with a high strength of interest in you will chase you, try to spend time with you, try to hook up with you, and eventually try to make you her boyfriend. Even if you put obstacles in her way she will crush them like they are nothing (if she really is interested…).
When you experience it for the first time, you’ll know what I mean.
You’ll see a side of her you’ve never seen before.
Our culture sells us the lie that men are the aggressor.
Actually, women are the aggressor and she will gladly pursue you if you give her the chance.
All you do is gently lead by continuing to ask her to hang out and challenging her playfully as she earns it by showing interest in you and by being a good, fun person.
It’s her job to move the relationship forward.
And SHE WILL IF SHE’S INTERESTED.
I promise. =)
She might not be direct about it, but eventually she will say something like, “Where is this relationship headed?” for example.
That’s when you know the time is right; when SHE brings it up.
This is what gives you the power of CHOICE.
Now you can decide if she’s a good match and want to go further with her instead of begging her to like you.
“Fight downhill; do not ascend to attack.” –Art of War
Stop fighting an uphill battle.
You may be thinking, “But what if there are no women who are highly interested in me?”
There are probably lots of women who are interested in you; you just don’t notice them (because you’re not interested in them or you don’t know what female interest looks like. They usually don’t tell you directly).
A huge part of your dating success comes from simply recognizing female interest in you and not blocking it. <===Read this 3X
And there are lots of things you can do to increase the number of women who are attracted to you initially that are within your control. For example, being in shape, dressing well, and working on your body language, eye contact, and self-worth will all help.
So make sure you’re doing everything you can do in those areas…
…But from now on your zone is the small percentage of women who are interested in you (FIRST) that you also happen to be interested in.
FLIP THE SCRIPT: Be True to Yourself
So many guys go way off their path to “try to get” women.
This behavior falls into the “beggar” category.
Let me tell you something I’ve learned…
…No matter what your interests are, there are attractive women who share them.
If you’re a snowboarder, there are lots of great women who love snowboarding.
If you love video games, there are tons of women who would love to play them with you.
Philosophy. Hunting. Car racing. Football. History. Even studying attraction.
These are all things I KNOW attractive women are interested in.
You don’t necessarily have to go out of your way to meet women.
It’s much better for you and much more attractive to do what you want to do and invite other people to join you.
The more you do things you really love and meet women along the way and the less you do things JUST to meet women, the more successful you’ll be.
The amount of pain you feel from a breakup is equal to the distance from your own path you traveled and how much you changed yourself to “get” her.
So do the things that make you happy in your life, meet women along the way, and date the ones who like YOU that you also happen to like.
You are the prize my friend.
From this day forward, never forget it.
Until Next Time,
Jim
