In terms of your long-term success with women, this could be the most important article you ever read…
Why?
Because if you don’t completely buy into the idea of being a challenge with a woman yet, especially if you really like her and especially if she’s an amazing woman, then I hope to convince you that you should do everything in your power to be your most challenging self from now on…
Because challenge is what women really want.
And, even if they don’t “want” it, being a challenge is what women actually respond to when it comes to being romantically interested in a man.
So, if we can create that mindset shift about being a challenge that we’re going for today inside your mind, even a little bit, then a whole new world of success with women will open up for you.
And the women you date will benefit from it even more than you.
Listen, when I first discovered this concept about 21 years ago, I didn’t fully understand it or accept it myself.
Now, however, I know 100% that it’s a good thing to be a challenge with women for you AND for the women you date…
So, let’s get into it…
Chances are good that if you’re:
1. Into personal development and learning about attraction, dating, relationships, etc. AND
2. Not as successful with women that you want to be yet,
…then you’re probably the kind of guy who can build RAPPORT with women but have some trouble breaking rapport with a woman when you need to, building tension, sparking ATTRACTION, being a challenge, playfully teasing a woman, having a bit of an edge, etc.
Because the guys out there who only push women away by insulting them, etc. and have trouble building rapport don’t usually read articles to try to improve themselves.
(There are definitely good men out there who have a hard time building a connection with women also; but, for the most part, the men I work with can build friendships with women and just need to be able to create a little more SPARK with the women they want to date).
And that’s exactly what one of my top clients recently emailed me about:
“Hey Jim,
There’s a girl I like and I know she likes me but she said she doesn’t see “her man” in me even though she admires me as a friend and as a person and told me that I have everything she needs in a man…
What does that mean?
I’m confused…
Also, I also don’t really understand how to challenge a woman (I’m incredibly good in building rapport, but not breaking) and encourage her to chase me (you talk a lot about these 2 things in your videos, but I just can’t get behind it).
What’s your take on this?
Thanks!”
-A.K.
Here’s what I told him:
Being a CHALLENGE with women makes you MORE of a Good Guy…
Hi A.K.,
Great to hear from you and good questions…
You say, “I also don’t really understand how to challenge a woman (I’m incredibly good in building rapport, but not breaking) and encourage her to chase me (you talk a lot about these 2 things in the videos, but I just can’t get behind it).”
Well, that’s exactly why she she said she doesn’t see “her man” in you…
You’re able to BUILD rapport with her, support her, etc.
And those are good things…
But you are not able to challenge her, stand up to her when necessary, and LEAD with her.
A woman needs BOTH to feel completely attracted to a man and to fall deeply in love with him.
If you don’t give her BOTH then something is missing…
And it’s not “nice” to her if you don’t give her everything she craves is it?
Why would it be better to only give her half of what she wants, needs, and responds to?
And why would it be better for her to be attracted to another guy who can be a challenge with her instead of being attracted to you when she already likes you in general?
Read the questions above again until you really think about them and your answers sink all the way in…
Listen, it’s a GOOD THING to be a challenge with a woman. <==Think about this, try it and see what happens, etc. until you accept this concept completely. Do whatever it takes because it’s the only “missing piece” in your puzzle.
Here’s the key:
You might think that playfully teasing a woman, waiting 4-9 days before you ask her out again after a great date while she wonders why you don’t text her very much, saying “no” to her when you should, disagreeing with her (without being disagreeable), stating your strong opinions and not changing them when she disagrees, or not revealing too much about yourself to her too fast are all “BAD” things that are “hurtful” to a woman.
Well, actually, it’s the opposite.
Not giving her those GIFTS prevents her from feeling all sorts of fantastic emotions.
And if you really are a great guy, you will WANT a woman to experience those kinds of emotions and end up with you.
Especially if she’s amazing and you really like her.
Listen, women interpret you being a challenge as ROMANCE…
They LOVE it.
In fact, being a challenge is 1000x more “romantic” than buying a woman flowers (and it has the side benefit of actually making a woman more interested in you)…
The only ones who don’t love it when you’re a challenge?
Psychologically unstable/inflexible women with bad attitudes and women who just aren’t interested in you. <==We don’t want to waste our time with them or be in a relationship with them anyway…
The best women LOVE it when you are a challenge.
Even if they get a little frustrated with you over the short-term because you’re not doing what they expect you to do based on what every other guy does with them…
They feel MUCH better with you over time.
Because that temporary frustration turns into intense attraction, joy, happiness, validation, and even love once the tension is broken and you take the next step forward with her and she would never get to experience those emotions if she didn’t feel that tension building first.
Even the sweetest, kindest, most innocent women in the world respond to you being a challenge.
And consider this…
What do you think feels better to a woman:
Having a guy already 100% into her on the first date…
Or, going out with a guy and having a great time with him, but at the same time he’s not completely sold on her yet…
Then, over the course of 2-3 months as she shows him her real self, she slowly wins him over until he finally DECIDES to commit to her because her personality and behavior are so awesome?
Exactly, it feels 1,000,000 times better when she earns it.
She doesn’t want your FULL attention just because she’s good-looking or you think “she’s amazing” before you’ve even been on MANY dates with her and you’ve actually gotten to know her, including her flaws…
She wants to EARN your attention more and more over time by being an awesome person that you start liking more and more over time as you slowly get to know her, including her flaws, quirks, hangups, etc.
Plus, when you’re a challenge, it encourages her to chase you…
And when you give her the opportunity to participate in your relationship with her instead of just constantly pushing your agenda things tend to work out better for you.
It’s less selfish to be a challenge because what you’re really doing is saying that her interest level matters too and that dating is a two-way street vs. you just “trying to get her…”
So, if you really want women to feel good while also being able to attract the best ones at the same time, find a way to build AND break rapport with them so they get to experience a broad range of emotions with you.
Find a way to LEAD things forward and then take a step back and be a challenge at the same time.
You must push AND pull.
Otherwise, something will be missing:
All push and no pull makes you a jerk.
All pull and no push makes you a friend/nice guy/brother/guy she doesn’t think about “that way.”
Pushing and Pulling in the right amounts at the right times makes you a GENTLE MAN. <==Read until this one is permanently burned into your beautiful brain…
Think of attracting a woman like using a bow and arrow:
If you don’t push forward on the bow AND pull back on the bowstring in the right amounts at the right time, you WILL NOT hit your target…
And, of course, if you do push and pull the bow/bowstring at the same time exactly the right way…
Then the arrow hits the BULLSEYE.
And it’s exactly the same with women:
If you don’t create the perfect amount of tension in the “bow” then your arrow will never go anywhere. =)
So, instead of agreeing with everything she says and changing your opinions to match hers…
Let her know when you disagree with her (without being disagreeable – both of you can have a different opinion and it’s a good thing) and DO NOT change your opinion automatically when she disagrees with you about something.
Instead of telling her all about yourself, give her a silly answer first before you reveal something about yourself when she asks you a personal question.
For example:
HER: “What do you do for a living?”
YOU: “I’m a Ninja (bank robber, male model – use this one if you’re not conventionally handsome, professional bull rider, etc.).” <==Say your “job” with a straight face…
Then, once she asks you again, then you can give her a straight answer…
HER: “Haha, no really, what do you do?”
YOU: “Oh, I’m actually an accountant.” =)
The key is to make her work for information about you a little bit.
In other words, be a CHALLENGE.
Instead of giving her too many compliments…
Give her ONE compliment per date maximum and playfully tease her instead…
Because that feels BETTER to her.
And, by the way, once you calibrate your playful challenges and see how women respond you’ll wonder why you haven’t tried it before…
And you’ll realize you can do it even HARDER than you think because women can take it and they LOVE it.
Just don’t put a woman down.
That’s different and it doesn’t feel good.
So, you can say, “You’re so cute…like the 3rd cutest woman I’ve seen all day…” but you shouldn’t say, “Your nose is ugly…”
Make sense?
Awesome.
Last one:
Instead of enjoying a great date with a woman and then asking her, “When can I see you again?” at the end like an eager puppy dog and then texting her 9,000 times a day until you (probably don’t) see her again…
Have a great time on a date with her, tell her, “thanks for the fun time tonight Angelina,” and then walk away and DISAPPEAR for a while. Keep your texting and other communication with her to a minimum between dates, and then just wait 4-8 days after your date and then just ask her out again.
Now, again, you might think that making her wonder if you’re going to ask her out again and not talking to her a lot in-between dates is “bad” and that it’s not “nice” to her…
Wrong.
It might be “nicer” in the SHORT-TERM (not really; I mean, she can always just ask you out if she wants to meet up)…
However, it’s much nicer for her over the LONG-TERM if she gets to experience the feelings associated with her increasing attraction to you and eventually falling deeply in love with you.
Which is better for her:
1. Knowing where she stands with you for sure immediately so she never has to wonder about you or think about you…OR:
2. Not being completely sure about where she stands with you right away…
I mean, she thinks you like her but you’re not acting like every other guy out there, so, what’s the deal…
And then EARNING your attention over time until she “catches” you by being an awesome woman?
And then getting to feel the awesome feelings a woman feels when she finally catches a great guy and falls deeply in love with him?
Of course it’s number 2.
So your choice isn’t between being a “nice guy” and a “jerk”…
It’s between creating shallow, short-lived good feelings in the short-term OR creating deep, lasting good feelings over the long-term (and, because you’re a natural LEADER, I think you know which way you want to lead your relationships with women from now on).
It’s between giving in to the FEAR that she’ll forget about you or stop liking you and embracing the LOVE that she’ll feel for you if you don’t give in to that fear.
The choice you’re making is not between being a “brother” kind of guy and a “cocky a$$h*le”…
It’s between being a “friend zone” guy and a
Gentle.
Man.
You know, the kind of guy a woman actually falls deeply in love with.
So do whatever it takes to learn every possible way you can be a challenge with women from now on.
Of course, we’ll keep covering lots of ways you can be a challenge right here in the articles on this website…
And, if you haven’t already, make sure you grab your copy of The Good Guy Guide and/or the Attract and Keep Her system to learn how to be a challenge the right way with the women you really want so that they get to experience feeling intense attraction and deep love for you.
Alright sir, I hope all of this makes sense.
I’ll be back with you soon…
Until Next Time,
Jim
Advanced Free Training:
Attract Women Without Words – Brad Pitt’s Body Language Secrets
How to Attract a Devoted Girlfriend or Wife – The Formula
How to Get Her Number and Text Her – Free E-Book
