We all know that women LOVE confident men…
However, when it comes to being confident, a lot of guys run into the same sticking point:
They don’t want to turn into some kind of “cocky jerk.”
(And, by the way, lots of women have this fear when it comes to self-worth/self-esteem/confidence as well)…
And I totally get it…
After all, nothing’s worse than a pompous, over-inflated, fake-confident arrogant guy.
Well, here’s the thing: The most attractive men in the world, the ones who date the best-looking, most amazing women and who can keep them around, have GENUINE confidence.
And what’s the difference between genuine confidence and cockiness or arrogance?
How to be CONFIDENT without being Cocky…
Well, the main difference between real, grounded, genuine, attractive confidence and cockiness/arrogance is:
COMPARISON.
A guy who’s arrogant thinks, “I’m better than you or you’re worse than me. That’s why I’m so awesome…”
On the other hand, a genuinely confident guy thinks:
“I’m not better OR worse than anyone else…I’m just awesome.” <==Make this your new motto.
His value is NOT in relation to anyone else’s.
Here’s the truth: We all have equal intrinsic value.
You are actually not better or worse than anyone else in general.
Now, you might be better or worse than someone else in a particular context…
For example, you might be more amazing at poker than an average guy and you might not be as good of a singer as Frank Sinatra…
Or, maybe you’re not classically good-looking but you’re athletic….
Or maybe the opposite’s true…
However, when it comes to your REAL, internal, intrinsic value, you’re not better or worse than anyone else.
We all have the same general value just because we exist.
A beggar on the sidewalk in front of your local grocery store actually has the same amount of intrinsic value as George Clooney.
Now, obviously, George Clooney has MUCH higher social value than a beggar, especially within American culture.
However, at the end of the day, their real values are actually the same.
So, when you base your self-worth on your infinite intrinsic value that’s always there and that isn’t based on a comparison to anyone else, that’s the foundation of genuine confidence (of course, you can expand it from there).
Yet if you base your self-worth on being better than other people, accomplishments, possessions, or anything contextual and/or external to you, your “confidence” is resting on a house of cards that could come crashing down at any moment.
You can only feel good about yourself on those rare occasions when the external world allows you to.
Not good.
So what does all of this mean for you?
1. If you separate your self-worth from the value of other people, you can stop competing for value.
You can work with other high-value people to create win-wins and create and share value with the world instead of trying to seek it.
And when you have this attitude and spend your time with other people who do too, you get A LOT more out of life.
You can also celebrate the success of others.
And when you celebrate the success of other people who have the things you want in life, it makes it much more likely that you’ll get those things also.
Why?
Because your mind associates that success with positive emotions when you celebrate it and that means your mind will allow you to experience it as well.
On the other hand, if you put successful people down or minimize their success, your mind will associate that success with negatives and it will BLOCK you from that same success.
So, the next time you see a guy enjoying some success with women, cheer him on.
2. You can allow yourself to make mistakes without feeling bad about it.
This is critical if you want to achieve the highest levels of success in anything you want to do in life, because most of the time it requires you to make many mistakes along the way.
You will definitely have to make a few mistakes and break some eggs on your way to ultimate success with women.
And if you feel bad about yourself whenever you make a mistake, you’re not going to be able to keep taking the actions necessary to live the way you really want to.
However, if your self-worth is always there for you because it’s based on your infinite, real, intrinsic value just because you exist, you are FREE to make mistakes because nothing can touch your baseline confidence as a man.
Now, it’s not a good thing to keep making the same mistakes over and over again…
We want to learn from our mistakes and improve as we keep taking action towards the things we want in life.
It’s just that, when you make a mistake, it doesn’t mean ANYTHING about you at all in general.
It’s an opportunity to improve.
This is called having a “growth mindset” and it’s one of the strongest predictors of success, healthy self-esteem, AND fulfillment.
And, by the way, if you’re worried that you’ll stop improving if you just accept yourself exactly the way you are in this moment and accept that you’re infinitely valuable just because you exist, that’s simply not true.
In fact, research shows that we improve THE MOST when we highlight 5 things we’re doing well to every 1 thing we can improve.
So, focusing on everything you’re doing wrong and feeling bad about yourself doesn’t serve you well or help you improve more.
It just discourages you from continuing to take action and slows down your development.
So, I highly encourage you to accept who you are and where you are right now in this moment and then just keep moving forward and improving from here.
3. You can cultivate the mindset that allows you to be the most successful with women.
Listen, a woman has to see you as on her level or above in order to be attracted to you and/or fall in love with you…
That’s why men give women presents, take them to fancy restaurants, show off their nice cars, talk about their huge houses, and highlight their accomplishments in conversations with women:
They are trying to PROVE their value to her as a potential mate…
However, what’s most attractive to a woman is your REAL, INTERNAL value.
And when you accept that you are INFINITELY valuable just because you exist (and that you’re not better OR worse than anyone else), you never have to try to prove your value to a woman or anyone else.
And because you don’t try to prove your value, she thinks you’re an extremely high-value guy.
Ironic how it works…
Plus, when you’re not trying to prove your value to a woman, you can relax and find out what makes her unique. And you never feel the need to put her or anyone else down.
You can even let her win sometimes just for fun because you have nothing to prove.
And, of course, all of those things are powerfully attractive to a woman.
By the way, that’s what being “secure” means: Your real, intrinsic value is never in question and nothing external to you can change it (nothing can add to it or subtract from it).
I can’t even tell you how much easier everything is when you live your life that way.
Until Next Time,
Jim
Advanced Free Training:
Attract Women Without Words – Brad Pitt’s Body Language Secrets
How to Attract a Devoted Girlfriend or Wife – The Formula
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