In order to attract a woman, especially if you want to be in a long-term relationship with her, you must be able to build an emotional connection with her.
And, in order for a woman to keep dating you, hook up with you, and eventually fall deeply in love with you, you also have to develop the attraction she feels for you at the same time you create a deepening emotional connection with her.
If you don’t develop both, something will be missing and everything will fall apart at some point.
And here’s the thing: Most men (people) completely misunderstand what creates a deep emotional connection with a woman and how to create it without killing attraction…
This is one of the most common questions I get from guys:
“I know that we’re supposed to focus on having fun in the beginning stages of dating…but when do we get serious? I mean, where’s the emotional connection if we just have fun all the time?”
Well, the answer completely runs against the way our society says relationships should work and that’s the main reason why so many people don’t understand it…
So, I’ll share the truth about building a deep emotional connection with a woman right now:
*If you prefer to listen to an audio presentation, here ya go:
Otherwise, keep reading…
How to Build a DEEP CONNECTION with a Woman…
First of all, during the beginning stages of dating (the first 2-3 months/6-10 dates),
The fun you’re having with a woman is your connection with her. <==Read 3X if you love having gorgeous, awesome women crushing hard on you…
See, our society tries to tell us that romance is serious…
However, nothing could be further from the truth.
Love is light and playful…
It’s NOT serious and heavy.
So, the answer to the question of how long we should just keep having fun with a woman is:
AS LONG AS YOU’RE WITH HER!
Now, heavy, serious things will happen in life and you should be able to talk about them with her without using humor to avoid them. And, of course, you should also deal with these situations the best you can. This isn’t about making everything all rainbows and sunshine all the time or avoiding reality.
It’s just that you don’t need to add to the negatives that are already there in life or try to build your connection with a woman based on negatives.
Here’s what you should AVOID when it comes to developing an emotional bond with a woman you want to date:
- Talking about serious, heavy subjects on your dates.
For example, politics, religion, the current horrible natural disaster that’s all over the news, and your feelings for her.
Instead, keep your conversations light and playful.
Why?
Because serious, heavy, negative subjects don’t make a woman more interested in you; you either break even or worse – they make her lose interest in you.
And all we’re doing during the first 2-3 months is RAISING her interest in you.
Now, of course, if a negative subject comes up or she brings it up, you can show her that you have that serious side to you and talk to her about it for a bit.
It’s a good thing to show her that you’re able to be serious when it matters even though you don’t take life or yourself too seriously in general.
Just keep things light, playful, and fun 90% of the time and you’ll do much better.
- Having some kind of “deep” conversation with her.
Again, this does NOT make her feel closer to you in a way that allows her attraction to you to grow.
So, while you can build deep rapport through your conversations (see below) just remember that a deep connection with a woman should NOT be based on connecting over deep, heavy, negative things.
- Sharing your insecurities, problems, traumas, etc.
There’s a reason therapists get paid good money. =)
So don’t try to be her therapist or make her yours. <==This is unhealthy…and, it can easily lower her interest in you.
Deal with your problems on your own time.
Get professional help if you need it.
Then, when you’re on a date, have as much fun as possible and don’t try to connect with a woman based on these heavy negatives.
For example, connecting with a woman based on the fact that you both suffered traumas as children does NOT develop a healthy, strong, positive, attractive emotional connection with a woman.
At best, you break even. At worst she starts feeling like your mom or your therapist. And those people can’t date you. =)
Now, here’s what you SHOULD do:
- Take great care of YOURSELF…
If you’re searching for something that seems “missing” inside yourself, no woman can make you whole and complete even if she wants to.
A good woman can ADD to your life and your happiness a lot but she cannot make you happy or make you or your life complete.
So, create a life you love whether any particular woman likes you or not and then invite the women you date to share in that life instead of seeking completion from them.
That’s what allows you to build a healthy connection with a woman instead of merging into one person.
So take great care of yourself and make yourself feel good by eating things that make you feel good long-term, sleeping enough, working out, etc.
And do those things for YOURSELF, not because they also make you more attractive to women (that’s a side benefit and women are icing on the cake of life – they are not the cake).
If you want constant emotional validation, consider getting a dog.
And, develop a strong social circle of good male friends who will be there for you and help you meet your social needs.
That way, you won’t be looking for the women you date to help you meet all of your needs and wants.
Then, when you’re actually dating a woman:
- Let the fun you’re having with her BE your connection with her.
Trust me, life has enough problems as it is and you’ll have plenty of time to share negatives with each other if you’re with a woman for 50 years…
So there’s no reason to do it on your third date. =)
Keep things light and fun with the women you date as much as you can.
And again, that doesn’t mean that you don’t show her that you have a serious side.
You should also:
- Listen to her talk about herself and her life and share (mostly positive) things about yourself and your life.
Once you’ve established attraction by playfully teasing and challenging her, switch into rapport-building mode by asking her open-ended questions and then LISTENING to her:
“You seem like such an awesome woman…tell me, what’s one thing I wouldn’t know about you just by looking at you?”
The key is to GET HER TALKING…
Because she feels more comfortable with you and more attracted to you the more SHE talks about herself and her life with you, NOT when you talk about yourself and your life.
And that’s the deep connection we’re going for here: We want her to feel deeply connected to you.
Make sense?
Excellent.
Now, when she’s telling you about herself, you can and should share things about yourself and your life back as well.
Just try to tell interesting stories that highlight good things about you instead of listing facts, bragging about your good qualities, or sharing all the bad things about yourself and your life.
The key here is that you should be talking less than her (she should be talking 60-80% of the time).
And when you tell her about how you used to get so excited when your mom would make you macaroni and cheese dinner as a kid and she remembers/talks about the same or a similar experience, it DOES develop a healthy, strong, positive, attractive emotional connection with a woman.
And, lastly, the key to building an unbreakable bond with a woman is:
- Having NEW shared experiences with her.
When you do something with a woman that neither of you have done before, it creates a positive emotional bond that’s stronger than any kind of conversation can create. <==Read one more time before you move on…
So, while I think you should take a woman out for coffee, tea, a smoothie, ONE drink, or an ice cream for all of your first dates, try to take her to do something neither of you have done for some of your dates after that.
And it doesn’t have to be expensive or crazy.
You don’t have to take her bungee jumping or skydiving for your third date…
Even if you just take her to a bar or restaurant neither of you have been to you will get some of the benefits of this.
So, find a way to do something new with her even if it’s just taking your coffees to go and hiking a new trail with her.
And not only does sharing new experiences with a woman help you build a deep, strong, positive emotional connection that makes her more interested in you, it also helps you MAINTAIN that emotional connection indefinitely.
So, if you do end up in a relationship with her for a long time, find a way to do new things with her as often as you can.
Because that’s how you build a deep connection with a woman.
I highly encourage you to go do something you’ve never done before sometime this week just to practice leading women on these kinds of adventures.
And then, make it a habit.
Cheers,
Jim
Advanced Free Training:
Attract Women Without Words – Brad Pitt’s Body Language Secrets
How to Attract a Devoted Girlfriend or Wife – The Formula
How to Get Her Number and Text Her – Free E-Book
