I got an email from a student a while back about a woman becoming moody from something that happened and asking how to deal with it…
And he also asked me if I thought it had anything to do with her romantic interest level in him.
His message got me thinking about the moods females experience and how we should react to that as a male in general…
So, in this article, I want to give you a solid foundational guide to dealing with a woman’s moods.
A Woman’s Many Moods…
First of all, as you probably already know, women tend to experience a lot more moods in general and experience a lot more mood changes than men do…
So, as a general rule, the biggest key to a woman’s changing moods is to NOT take them personally.
Think of her moods like going to Baskin Robbins – they represent many different flavors of her that you can experience.
At least you’ll never get bored! =)
That’s the way we should think about a woman’s moods in general.
However, there are exceptions to this, including what happens when her interest level drops, her general attitude about life, and scars and baggage that she brings with her into your relationship with her.
So, now let’s break down some of those elements and refine how we deal with this area of life:
A Woman’s Moods + Her Interest Level…
1. As a woman’s interest level in you goes up, she tends to get happier in general…
And, as her interest in you falls, her mood tends to get more negative when she’s around you.
The key here is to look for PATTERNS.
Was she sweet to you for 5 years and now, all of a sudden, she starts shooting verbal “zingers” your way?
Or, did she tease you that way the first day you met and still does it after 15 years?
Is there something changing about her behavior or has she been this way in general over time?
This will let you know if the way she feels around you has to do with her interest level in you or not.
An amazing woman who is deeply in love with you will still experience a myriad of ever-changing moods because she’s a woman…
That’s what I was talking about earlier – we should never take this aspect of female life personally.
However, an amazing woman who was deeply in love with you and then lost some of her interest might start acting differently around you.
So, you have to ask yourself:
A. Is this directed at me specifically or is it something that’s just part of her life that would be there whether I’m here or not?
B. Is she like this sometimes in general or have her feelings and behaviors changed significantly from the way they were before?
Make sense?
Awesome.
Let’s move on:
2. It’s important to be with a woman who has a good attitude toward life in general, whether she’s with you or not…
In other words, ask yourself:
What is this woman’s DEFAULT SETTING?
It’s normal for all of us, especially women, to experience all kinds of emotions and moods…
It’s okay and normal to feel angry, sad, upset, confused, frustrated, etc. sometimes.
They key for us when we’re looking for a long-term relationship partner is to (only) choose to be with someone who is generally positive vs. someone who is in a bad mood most of the time no matter what.
I mean, if a woman has a bad attitude or she’s not very flexible in general, you probably won’t enjoy spending 50 years with her…
And a woman with a bad attitude can fall deeply in love with you so this is a separate element from her interest level.
So, of course, as we talk about around here all the time, a woman MUST be interested in you and available (no boyfriend or husband and lives close enough to you) for her to be the right woman for you…
But she MUST also have a good attitude – they way she experiences life without you must be on the positive side in general for her to be the right woman for you.
So look for a woman who is agreeable (in general) and has a good attitude (most of the time).
Look for someone who has a solid DEFAULT SETTING (and work on yours to make sure it’s on this side of things as well if you need to do so).
And then just make sure her interest level rises to 9/10 or above and don’t take her changing moods personally.
That’s the best we can do in this life because we are human and so are women. =)
And honestly it would get a little boring if we only had 1-2 moods and women didn’t have even more than we do.
3. It’s also important to be with a woman who is relatively EMOTIONALLY STABLE...
This might sound contradictory at first, but it’s not.
All women, in general, will feel lots of different moods and they will change frequently….
A woman with a lot of scars, baggage, past unhealed traumas, etc. can experience a lot of inappropriate moods ALL THE TIME (or frequently).
Sometimes a woman’s mood is not based on the situation that’s actually happening right now; sometimes she’s bringing a lot of stuff from the past into it and then feeling the way she does based on that.
If that happens once or twice a year, it’s probably not a big deal…
If it happens a lot more often, it becomes problematic.
So the key here, again, is to look for patterns…
Does she fly off the handle every time anything happens, no matter how small?
Is she constantly overreacting to everything?
Is she bringing baggage from the past into present situations and amplifying/changing the way she feels in the present because of that?
Or did she just have several things happen in a row so this little thing pushed her over the top and she overreacted this one time but she’s not normally like that?
Does she usually feel the emotions you would expect someone to feel given a certain situation or is she emotionless or always experiencing exaggerated emotions?
None of us are perfect at this but it’s important to be with a woman who experiences appropriate emotions for the situation most of the time.
And that’s not just important for you and your sanity (it’s very important for your sanity in a long-term relationship); think about how this can impact your children if you decide to have kids with her.
Now, listen, we don’t judge a woman who’s not emotionally stable or put her down; we feel empathy for her and what she’s probably been through – we just don’t want to be in a committed long-term relationship with someone like that because we cannot create a healthy bond with her even if we do everything right (unless and until she works on healing herself etc. – and we have to take her how she is right now because only she can work on herself and only she can decide when to do it for herself which might be never). Plus, it will negatively impact your quality of life over time.
So, again, while we don’t take a woman’s ever-changing moods personally, we do look for a woman who is generally emotionally stable.
Otherwise, we will have problems down the line even if we do everything right.
4. While you can’t control a woman’s moods and you shouldn’t take them personally, you CAN attempt to change her mood sometimes…
Not by telling her she’s wrong to feel the way she does or implying that she shouldn’t feel that way…
We don’t want to try to do this by force or make her “wrong” for the way she’s feeling.
That can backfire in all kinds of spectacular ways. =)
What you want to do is put yourself in the mood you would like her to be in and then see if she follows you there.
Without any pressure.
And, if she doesn’t, it’s okay.
Again, it’s normal for her to feel all kinds of things and we’re not going to take it personally or worry too much about it unless it’s a change in the way she treats us that persists over time.
Here’s an example of when it’s okay to try to change her mood (not her mind):
Let’s say the two of you have something fun planned and she gets a bit down for a second right before you’re going to head out…
In this case, you can attempt to change her mood.
If she’s kind of resisting going out a bit, you can say something like, “Yeah, you’re right. The concert is going to be so boring and we’re getting old so we probably shouldn’t go. Fun is bad for heart health at our age…”
Notice how you’re agreeing with her and exaggerating what she’s saying to make it sound kind of silly…
You’re not saying she shouldn’t feel that way.
It’s kind of like telling someone not to smile…
Sometimes that works and they end up smiling while telling them to smile directly doesn’t work very well.
Meanwhile, when you say something like this, make sure you also put yourself in a ready for fun kind of mood…
See if a comment like this and your mood allows her to follow you there.
If she perks herself up after a few minutes, awesome!
Go have fun with her and you did well.
If she doesn’t, decide if you’re okay with her feeling that way and still going or just cancel the activity and don’t make a big deal about it.
Handling this situation well, assuming she’s generally emotionally stable and has a good attitude, will pay big dividends later.
5. Lastly, when it comes to a woman’s moods, her interest level, her attitude, and her scars/baggage, the most important thing at the end of the day is HOW SHE TREATS YOU…
Does she treat you well most of the time even if she’s experiencing a “negative” mood?
Does she apologize when she crosses the line with you because of her mood?
Does she treat you well in general?
Has the way she treats you changed?
If a woman treats you well most of the time and has a good attitude about life without you in general, she’s a keeper…
And, again, we shouldn’t take her moods personally.
Just make sure you do everything right with her so she falls and stays deeply in love with you.
If she doesn’t treat you well and/or she has a bad attitude in general, well…
We don’t judge her but we don’t want to be with her either.
In that case it’s time to find better grapes to make wine with.
Alright sir, sincerely hope this was helpful…
Until Next Time,
Jim
