Is Dinner and a Movie a Good First Date Idea?

I got some great questions from a top student the other day…

And, I think this discussion can help all of us, so I’m going to share our conversation with you in this article.

Here’s what N.C. wrote in:

“Hi Jim.

Thank you so much for what you are sharing with me…

At some point I get lost, and now I just discovered that I have a fear of mistakes to start…

If you are saying DO NOT take a woman out for a “dinner and a movie” date on your first date (or your first 3 dates), can you give more details and better options? I understand the reasons for not taking her to a movie…

No. 2: You are saying we must not give gifts and flowers to her for up to 3 dates; in one of your series you spoke about giving freely, while on another video you mentioned we mustn’t do many favors for her.

So, if we shouldn’t do favors or give her gifts/flowers, what does giving freely mean?

Hope you will get my points.

Thank you!

-N.C.”

Ah, excellent questions my friend…

I like the way you’re starting to analyze everything and I think we can easily get this cleared up for you so you can take action CONFIDENTLY.

Here’s my reply:

Hi N.C.,

Good to hear from you.

First of all, don’t be afraid to get out there and make some mistakes…

You don’t have to get everything perfect.

It’s better to introduce yourself to a woman and make some mistakes and get some practice than it is to never talk to a woman at all because you’re afraid of not being perfect.

The less perfection you expect of yourself and the more ACTION you take to IMPLEMENT the principles I teach, the more successful you’ll be.

Be kind to yourself, realize that this is a process that takes time, and get as much PRACTICE in the real world with real women as you can.

I mean, do you think Messi and Ronaldo were just naturally good at soccer/football or do you think they’ve practiced a lot and PLAYED a lot of games since they were kids?

Exactly.

Is Dinner and a Movie a Good First Date Idea?

Secondly, what I like to do for my first dates is:

-Happy hour – cheap one or two drinks…
-Coffee/tea…
-Ice cream…
-Smoothie…
etc.

These dates are low-cost, low-key, don’t require a big time investment, and don’t put any pressure on anyone (you can leave after one drink if you want to vs. being STUCK at dinner with someone you don’t click with and so can she).

Taking a woman out to dinner adds pressure.

And pressure is your enemy in the early stages of dating.

Also, taking her to a movie makes it so you can’t interact with her for 2 hours.

Not good.

So, for first dates, meet her for a quick coffee, one drink, etc.

That way there’s less pressure, she’s more likely to show up, you can take your coffees for a walk if you want, and it’s easy to exit.

PLUS, it weeds out women who want to use you for a free meal (happens all the time)…

Try those out – choose your favorite and take every woman you want to date on the exact same first date.

Now, you can take a woman out for a meal for a second or a third date….

However, I still wouldn’t.

Why?

Because it’s not very creative and there are TONS of other more interactive things you can do with her.

On the other hand, if you take her salsa dancing for your third date and both of you need to grab a bite to eat after, that’s perfectly fine.

Just try to keep your first 2-3 dates as short as possible (adding a meal adds a lot of TIME).

Why?

Because our goal is to make it to the 6th-10th date; not make the first 2 dates as long as possible.

And when you leave her wanting more at the end of the date she’s more likely to show up for the next one than if you wear out your welcome and/or run out of juice.

Make sense?

Excellent.

My recommendation:

Save dinner/movies for dates 4 and beyond.

And don’t lean on them as a crutch even though our society says that’s what a date “is.”

Because when it comes to dating and relationships, society is (dead) wrong.

And that’s why I have a job. =)

DO NOT give a woman GIFTS: Give her THIS instead…

Third, great question about gift giving…

You should NOT give a woman any flowers or gifts until she brings up the idea of being in a relationship with you (usually happens after 6-10 dates assuming she’s genuinely interested and you do everything right with her). <==Read 3x…

Same thing goes for doing her big favors (don’t do it).

Why not?

Because until her interest reaches 9 out of 10 (she’s actually truly deeply in love with you), which usually takes 2-3 months/6-10 dates, anything you do that’s EXTRA is you trying to convince her to like you even if it doesn’t feel like that to you.

And these behaviors LOWER female interest level.

We want her interest in you to go UP; in fact, that’s the ONLY thing we care about in the early stages of dating, so why would we do anything against that?

Now, when I say to GIVE FREELY, here’s what that means:

From now on you must give a woman what she ACTUALLY wants (responds positively to) FREELY.

And those things are:

1. High Internal Value (your self-worth/self-esteem/etc. as communicated via your ACTIONS)…

2. Internal Strength (courage, confidence, and SELF-CONTROL as demonstrated by your ACTIONS)…

3. Preselection (other women on her level are also interested in you – you show this by the way you act – you don’t tell her)…

4. Challenge (you’re not so easy to get, you don’t verbalize your feelings for her, you wait 4-8 days after each date before you ask her out again, etc.).

These are the ONLY 4 things that raise a woman’s interest level.

#truth

So, you must give these things to a woman FREELY if you want her to fall in love with you (and NOT give her things that undermine your internal value by substituting external value – i.e. giving her flowers, gifts, compliments, trips, expensive dinners, shopping sprees, etc.).

And that’s exactly what we talk about inside the Attract and Keep Her system:

How to give a woman the greatest gift of all – falling deeply in love with an awesome guy (YOU).

Take care sir and sincerely hope this helps. =)

Until Next Time,

Jim