When you’re texting a woman you want to date, should you use emojis or emoticons when you’re messaging her?
Well, here’s the thing:
Text messages (or messages sent via other online services and apps) can EASILY be misinterpreted…
Why?
Because you can’t see the other person’s body language or hear the way they’re saying something when you read a text message…
It’s a much less nuanced form of communication than talking to someone in person or even on the phone.
So, to put a little bit of context back into text messages, we invented emojis and emoticons.
And for those elder statesmen who might not know what we’re talking about, an emoji/emoticon is a symbol, small image, or abbreviation that expresses an emotion or idea like these: =) 😉 😉 😛 haha jk lol omfg etc…
Almost every phone now has a separate keyboard just for emojis so we can send even more elaborate symbols and large, sometimes animated emojis called “stickers” are extremely common in Asia and are picking up steam in the West as well.
And, when it comes to USING emojis/emoticons/stickers with friends and family, you can do whatever you want…
However, when it comes to attracting women, there are a couple things we should keep in mind when it comes to texting and using emojis/emoticons:
- The MAIN PURPOSE of every message you send to a woman you want to date is to set up the next date. <==Read 3X…
Now, that doesn’t mean that every text you send to a woman should be you directly asking her out:
“Meet me at Wine Bar X at 7pm on Thursday”
That’s a great text message asking a woman out because it’s direct and specific.
And, honestly, only sending messages like this is actually better than what most guys do when it comes to texting.
However, if you only send messages like this and never respond to texts a woman sends you, you’ll come off as weird, socially awkward, and/or aloof.
So, you can text back and forth with a woman a little bit before and in-between dates…
However, you should keep messaging to an absolute MINIMUM and get to know her IN PERSON.
So make sure each of your texts is leading up to asking her to meet up with you and making it easier for her to say yes to your date invitation (her interest is going up, not down)…
Otherwise, don’t send it.
Make sense?
Excellent.
And don’t tell her lots of things about yourself via texting or any other kind of digital messaging…
Why?
Because one of the MAIN reasons a woman goes out with you is that she’s interested in getting to know you…
So, if you tell her everything about you via texting…
Why would she want to go out with you???
Exactly.
She has no reason to.
So, you can decide:
Do you want to have a “digital” relationship with a woman by exchanging lots of text messages…
Or, do you want to ACTUALLY date her by sending her a few text messages every once in a while and then just ASKING HER OUT once every 7-10 days or so and getting to know her in person?
Now, once you’re in a committed relationship with her and you’ve been dating her for 2-3 months, you can relax about this a little bit and text her a little more often.
Until then, when you’re ATTRACTING her, don’t be like every other guy that tries to “build something” with her via texting (or other messaging apps) because they think that’s what they’re supposed to do.
Because it doesn’t work…
What happens in those scenarios is that she eventually starts actually dating a guy who doesn’t spend all his time texting her and then she starts showing him all the texts other guys keep sending her thinking they have a chance with her just because they have her contact info.
So, instead of texting her all day long, keep your texts short, light, fun, and very infrequent.
Then, ask her to meet up with you and get to know her in person.
And, if she doesn’t want to meet up with you in person, she’s not interested in you. In that case, you’re wasting your time anyway, so you should just MOVE ON.
By the way, this concept has ALWAYS made a guy stand out above the competition to a woman…
It used to be that guys would call women and leave them (multiple) messages on their answering machines (that wasn’t a good idea either)…
In those days the guy who was disciplined enough NOT to leave her a message had a HUGE advantage…
And now it makes you stand out EVEN MORE because it’s so easy to just send her “one more little texty text” that you deserve a gold medal of honor if you don’t. =)
So, show her that you like her AND that you’re awesome at the same time by controlling yourself with your texting and simply asking her out for a specific date, time, and activity and she’ll see how awesome you really are.
- If you feel like you’re trying too hard to compose a perfect text, stop yourself and send an imperfect one.
I got this one from Neil Strauss…
He has a rule for texting women and it basically goes like this:
Any time he catches himself trying too hard to be clever or to come up with a perfect line, he immediately deletes that sentence and sends the text without it.
If a best-selling author and excellent writer like Neil who knows women can’t always think of the perfect thing to say to a woman in a text message and thinks he shouldn’t even try for that, we probably shouldn’t either.
I LOVE this rule and I think we should follow it too.
Listen, when you try too hard when you’re texting, it SCREAMS the kind of desperation that women RUN away from as fast as they can, even if they were very interested before.
So, don’t try to always send the most perfect text possible.
Remember: When it comes to texting women, the CONTEXT of your texting matters a lot more than the CONTENT of your text messages.
So, the fact that you don’t text her very often, the fact that her text to you is often the last one in a conversation, and the fact that her texts to you are a little more frequent and a little longer than your texts to her in general is WAY more important than making sure every word of every text is perfect.
And now, with those things out of the way, let’s answer the main question for this article:
Should you use emojis? 😉
Well, first of all, some of the research I’ve seen shows that men who use emojis are more successful with women than men who don’t…
However, that doesn’t mean that if you add smiley faces to all of your texts you’ll improve your results with women…
What it probably means, in my opinion, is simply that SOCIALLY AWARE men do well with women and those guys know HOW to use emojis properly.
And, luckily, using emojis and emoticons properly is something any of us can LEARN.
So, to get that process started, here are two general rules for when and how you should (and should not) use emojis and emoticons when you’re texting women you want to date:
- You SHOULD use emojis and/or emoticons as “softeners” to make sure a woman knows that you’re being playful and/or teasing her.
Again, we can’t read non-verbal context clues when we get a text message, so it’s extremely easy for a woman to misread what you mean.
For example, if you say:
I HATE you.
OR
I hate you =)
Which one sounds like you’re being playful?
Exactly, the one with the smiley face at the end.
Now, some women will just get that you’re being playful because they know you, they know you’re a fun, playfully challenging man, and because they understand and enjoy playful banter and teasing at a high level.
However, before you know that for sure, it’s best to use emojis and emoticons to soften your messages and make sure she doesn’t misunderstand what you’re saying for no reason.
It just creates more problems and unnecessary drama for you.
So, any time you TEASE a woman via text message, you can use an emoji or emoticon to soften your message if you want.
However:
- You should NOT use an emoji or an emoticon to APOLOGIZE for what you’re saying.
For example,
You’re so nerdy…jk
is apologetic.
When you say jk or just kidding at the end of that sentence, you’re communicating that you feel a little bad about what you’re saying, which is NOT playful…
On the other hand,
You’re so nerdy haha
AND
You’re SO nerdy 😉
AND
You’re SUCH a nerd =)
are playful.
What’s the difference between jk and haha?
When you say jk (just kidding), you’re going back on what you said a little bit and apologizing for it a little bit; however, when you say haha YOU are already laughing and you’re encouraging her to laugh WITH YOU.
The fact that what you’re saying is playful is IMPLIED when you use haha or a smiley face or a winky face. With jk it seems like you’re afraid she might not like it. And, if you present your message that way, she might not like it because you set it up that way.
Make sense?
Awesome.
This might seem like a small thing but these little communication details can make you or break you when it comes to females.
Also:
I have to work on Wednesday night, can we meet on Thursday night instead? Sorry!
AND
I can’t on Wednesday :/ :/ :/
are apologetic texts.
I’ve got a work thing on Wednesday…can you do Thursday? =)
is okay.
You don’t need to add an emoji, emoticon, or “haha/jk” at the end of this sentence, but you CAN use a smiley face at the end if you want depending on your personality and your feel for how she’ll take it.
Here’s the main gist: Don’t use emoticons to apologize, undermine what you’re saying, or show her how much you like her; use them to communicate PLAYFULNESS and soften your challenging statements.
And then, again, keep your messages to a minimum in general and let her get to know you in person when you meet up with her for dates.
Then, once you’re in a relationship with her and SHE starts sending YOU all kinds of emojis, hearts, emoticons, and “stickers,” you can send her ONE for every TWO she sends you if you want.
Until then, don’t try to attract her with messages because it doesn’t work (and, in fact, can ONLY work against you over time even if you’re really good at texting…so be just good enough at texting to get her to actually meet up with you and take it from there).
***PRO TIP***
Don’t end the last sentence of any text message with punctuation.
So:
Sounds good
is much better than
Sounds good!
OR
Sounds good.
If you want, and if it follows the principles we covered above, you can add an emoji:
Sounds good 😉
You’re awesome and I’ll talk to you soon.
Cheers,
Jim
