Most women you date will have at least some dating history…
So, how should you handle her ex(es) and should you worry about them?
Well, first of all, here’s a hard and fast rule:
Never put down her (or your) exes…
Listen: Her exes are her exes for a reason. It’s your turn now, so you seem very insecure to her when you say bad things about men from her past.
Also, your connection with her has nothing to do with her past connections (or yours)…
It’s her job to handle her exes; they are none of your business.
And, if you talk smack about your exes to a woman you’re dating, she’ll start thinking maybe you’ll talk about her that way some day…
Not good.
So, when it comes to exes, try not to talk about yours at all, and, when it comes to one of her exes, just say something like, “Well, he must have had something going for him if you were with him.”
And leave it at that.
And when she asks you why you and your ex broke up, just say something like, “You know, she was really cool but we just weren’t a good fit for each other at the end of the day.”
Leave out the part about how she’s a total psycho who keyed your car and cheated on you with your best friend. =)
Because when you talk smack about her ex or your ex, it can easily lower her interest in you…
And it kills the light, playful vibe that allows female interest to grow.
However, when you don’t mention your exes too much and you compliment her on her taste in men when she talks about her exes, she thinks you’re super CONFIDENT and it makes her more interested in you.
Now, if she talks about one of her exes non-stop, she’s either not over him yet, not very polite, or both.
So, in my opinion, you should STOP DATING HER if she talks about other men a lot.
Just forget her number and move on.
After all, when you’re dating a woman, you’re not getting paid to be her therapist and you don’t want to be her male girlfriend.
So, the best thing to do when you’re in the beginning stages of dating is to avoid talking about exes as much as possible and start fresh with each new woman you date.
And, when she brings up an ex, just say something mildly nice about him and move the conversation forward.
Unless, of course, her ex happens to be a super violent, jealous, unstable guy who could actually threaten your safety…
In that case, it’s your call on whether or not she’s worth it.
Now, there are some situations where you’ll have to deal with a woman’s ex if you want to keep dating her.
For example, if she has kids with one of her exes, you should expect him to be part of her life at least until the youngest one turns 18.
Should you be concerned about that?
Well, that’s one of the excellent questions R.Z. asked me recently:
“Hey Jim,
Gotta say how much I appreciate your articles. They clear up the clutter in my mind all the time.
I’ve tried a couple of your things I’ve read in your Attract and Keep Her System and they’ve worked…
Yet somehow I seem to panic after I finally get her to like me or admit it. I don’t know where to go from there. I tend to over think and text things that may push girls away.
I think I just rush into things too quickly.
Also not to get too personal into my dating life but I’ve also gotten attached (like) to a mother of three. And I’m insecure about being committed and then possibly being left for the father of the kids.
I think you’ve mentioned something like this before but just thought I’d ask you for some advice.
Well if you get a chance to read through this I’d really appreciate it.
Much respect,
-R.Z.”
Here’s my response:
Hi R.Z.,
Good to hear from you!
And I’m glad you’re finding our material helpful so far.
First of all: “I seem to panic after I finally get her to like me…”
Here’s the thing: Most guys never make it to that point, so that’s what we call a high-quality problem. =)
Just remember that when a woman tells you she likes you or you can FEEL it, it simply means you’re doing everything or most things right.
So just don’t change what you’re doing; take it as a sign that it’s working and STICK TO THE PLAN INSIDE the Attract and Keep Her System at all times.
Just keep taking her out and having fun with her…
And then, when she brings up the idea of being in a relationship, you can decide if you want to take that step with her at that point or not.
Secondly, you mentioned this in your email: “I think I just rush into things too quickly…”
Very good self-analysis sir.
This is the main problem men have when it comes to dating.
Here’s the truth: It doesn’t take THAT long for a woman to fall in love (>3 months) BUT it usually takes longer than we want. =)
Patience is the biggest key to women.
Maybe things will work out with her, maybe they won’t <==Good attitude to have until you’re married, and, even then, keep this in the back of your mind.
And lastly, YES, it’s a big deal to date a woman with 3 kids…
It’s a HUGE responsibility.
And you definitely don’t want them getting too attached to you and then deciding you don’t want to date her anymore.
However, I’d be WAY more concerned about whether it’s worth it or not to help raise her 3 kids than I would be about her ex.
Yes, he’ll probably be in the picture because they have kids together and that could be a problem for you until the kids go to college, but there’s also a reason they broke up and you’re up to bat now…
Take your emotions and hormones out of it and try to look at it objectively – is she worth the extra baggage?
Would she make an amazing teammate or would you be carrying the load?
Would you tell your best friend to be with her?
Situations like these require even more caution, more time, and taking it even slower.
Remember: When it comes to women you can never move too slowly; only too fast.
Stop, look, and listen just like you would before you cross train tracks at a major intersection.
That’s the only way to avoid a major train wreck later on.
Make sure the rational part of you is making the decisions; not your lower brain that just thinks she’s “hot.”
That guy will get you into all kinds of trouble if you let him. =)
I sincerely hope this helps my friend.
I’ll be back with you soon.
Until Next Time,
Jim
Advanced Free Training:
Attract Women Without Words – Brad Pitt’s Body Language Secrets
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