When it comes to men, what is it that women really want?
What makes them attracted to a man?
What makes them fall in love with a man?
What makes them stay in love with a man?
What makes them flattered by a compliment they get from one man and file a harassment lawsuit against another guy for the same comment?
Do women want different things at different times?
And do different women want different things, or are women consistent in what they want?
Great questions…
And, after actively studying male-female dynamics for more than 20 years, I finally came up with one single answer that applies to everything.
It’s complex and simple at the same time.
So what do women really want when it comes to men?
The thing women want the most…
Women want attention from men that they think are valuable.
Now, this might sound obvious at first, but bear with me because it applies to everything you do in your dating life.
I call what women want Valuable Male Attention (VMA).
See, a woman doesn’t want attention from just any man…
She wants attention from a man she values.
Now, here’s the cool thing about Valuable Male Attention: It doesn’t just apply to attraction and love…
It applies to EVERYTHING.
For example, what does a woman want from men as a child?
Mostly attention from her father (generally the man she values most at that point).
And maybe her grandpa and favorite uncle.
You know what she doesn’t want?
Attention from a scary-looking stranger in a van.
What does a woman want from men after she just got dumped?
Many of them want the comfort that comes from a guy who would never even think of leaving her (but whom she will never have real feelings for).
Or, a physically attractive man to hook up with to get a self-esteem boost (whom she may or may not want to be in a relationship with).
Or, both.
She might hook up with the attractive guy one night and then go hang out with friend zone guy the next day. =)
On the other hand, you know what she doesn’t want when she just got dumped?
A sympathetic hug from a smelly homeless guy.
That would be male attention but it wouldn’t be valuable to her at all.
This concept even applies to gold-diggers…
It’s just that money is more valuable to them than men are. So, to them, seeking valuable male attention means they want attention from men who have money.
It’s just not the kind of value that makes her want you. Or fall in love with you. Gold-diggers sacrifice feelings of attraction and love in exchange for financial gain…
Unless they just cheat on their rich husband with a guy they do have feelings for.
So, women don’t want male attention…
They want VALUABLE male attention (from their perspective).
Why?
Because the more valuable she thinks your attention is, the better she feels when she gets it.
And, if you think about it, we’re the same way: The better-looking a woman is and the more amazing she is, the better we feel when we kiss her.
And the cooler a woman is, the better we feel when we’re in a relationship with her.
On the other hand, if your attention is not valuable to her, she feels BAD when she gets it. <==Read 3X…
That’s why more awesome, self-esteem boosting chemicals course through her body when she hooks up with a rock star back-stage than when she hooks up with a “regular Joe.”
And it’s why she gets a sick feeling in her stomach when a guy she’s not interested in gives her compliments, buys her flowers, etc.
Understanding this difference is the key to your success.
Here’s how this whole thing works: Men tend to want to hook up with good-looking women and then they also want attention from beautiful women who are nice, fun, and easy to be with (all of this = Valuable Female Attention).
On the other hand, women tend to want Valuable Male Attention and then they also want to hook up with with attractive men.
And a woman will go to great lengths for a man if she truly values his attention.
So, if you want Valuable Female Attention, you don’t get it by giving women your attention. You get it by making your attention extremely valuable to women. <==Read 3X…
And you want to be the guy women value as a potential romantic partner. <==This is the value you want to cultivate if you want the right woman for you to fall deeply in love with you instead of seeing you in some other way…
Remember this: When a woman wants “you” or she’s in love with “you” what that really means is that she thinks your attention is valuable and she wants your attention.
Your attention, and how valuable it is to her, determines how much she wants you at any given time.
So, when it comes to dating, what makes a man valuable in a woman’s eyes when she first meets him, during the first 2-3 months of dating, and after she falls in love with him? <==This is the real question.
Well, before we get to that, let’s start off with some things that LOWER the value of your attention in a woman’s mind so you can avoid them from now on:
Things to AVOID that lower the value of your attention to a woman:
-Texting her too often; texting her regularly at predictable times; responding immediately whenever she texts you…
-Trying to convince her to like you in any possible way…
-Being too available…
-Buying her gifts, writing her poems, bringing her flowers, writing her songs, etc…
-Trying to impress her with expensive dates…
-Bragging…
-Asking her when she’s free to hang out instead of offering a specific day and time that works for YOU when you ask her out…
-Paying attention to her social media accounts…
-Telling her how much you like/love her…
-Seeking her attention too much (this shows her that her attention is more valuable than yours)…
-Etc.
And now let’s talk about what makes your attention valuable to a woman in all three phases of dating (initial attraction, the first 2-3 months of dating, and established relationship):
How to make your attention VALUABLE to women…
INITIAL ATTRACTION:
-Get in good shape (women value the attention of fit men more than men who are not fit).
-Increase your social status (women value the attention of high-status men more than lower-status men).
-Work on your social skills (social skills make you fun and easy to be around…women value the attention of men who are fun and easy to be with more than men who make everything awkward or aren’t aware of social cues).
-Develop yourself as a man by actively pursuing personal growth and creating a life you enjoy (the more you have going for you and the more you enjoy your life on your own, the more valuable your attention is to a woman).
-Develop your sense of style (the attention of a man who makes her look good in public is more valuable to a woman than a man who doesn’t).
Now, of course, you can’t control your genetics.
However, you can control all of the above and all of these things will make more women want your attention when they first meet you.
So, if you want more women to want you, do them all.
Now, these things won’t necessarily make one particular woman interested in you.
For example, let’s say there’s a woman you’re interested in right now and she’s not interested in you…
If you get in great shape and become rich and famous, that doesn’t mean that SHE will become attracted to you.
In fact, she probably won’t.
However, lots of other women WILL be attracted to you.
That’s why it’s a really bad idea to focus on one woman in your quest for a mate: You never know for sure which women will be interested in you.
Sometimes a woman you think is out of your league will be super into your look for some reason…
And sometimes a woman you think should be interested in you has no interest in you whatsoever.
Some women won’t think you’re their type even if you’re the best-looking, richest, most famous man in the world.
And on the other hand, some women will be very interested in you vs. other guys for some reason or another.
Some women will already be in love with another guy…
Etc.
So all of these things make you more valuable to women in general and give you more options; they don’t necessarily make you valuable to that one woman you’re fixated on.
Let go of her and date the ones who value your attention.
THE BEGINNING STAGES OF DATING (first 2-3 months):
-Keep your text messages to her a little bit less frequent and a little bit shorter than her text messages to you.
-Don’t always text her back immediately when she texts you.
–Wait 4-8 days after each date before you ask her out again. <==This is called being a challenge and it raises the value of your attention more than anything else.
-When you ask her out, choose a date and time that works for you and then invite her to join you at that time. If she declines, don’t keep offering her alternative times (you’re NOT available any time she wants…).
Listen, during this early phase of dating, you want to SLOWLY give her more of your attention as she earns it by being awesome (saying yes to your date invitations, showing up on time for your dates, kissing you, generally being an awesome person, etc.).
That’s why we wait 4-8 days before we ask her out again after a date: Your attention is more valuable to her if it isn’t always available.
Now, if you wait 10+ days to ask her out, you’re taking it too far.
A lot of guys get this wrong once they understand it by acting aloof and pretending they’re not interested.
That doesn’t work either…
Of course you’re interested in her…you’re just not 100% all-in yet.
See the difference?
Awesome.
You have to give her just enough of your attention for her to keep wanting you and fall in love with you; not too little or too much.
Think about this phase of dating like Red Bull thinks about marketing:
First, they give you a FREE Red Bull….
But it’s just an 8-oz. can.
No big deal…
And then they keep giving you free Red Bulls at regular intervals (but not every day).
Why?
Because Red Bull understands that on average we have to see something 7 times before we buy it.
So, for the first 6-9 dates, you’re just giving her a little, 8-oz. SAMPLE of yourself and then disappearing until you give her another one.
And then, after doing this 6-9 times, she’ll finally be ready to make a purchase.
And at that point, she can start buying the 12 oz. cans of your attention by becoming your girlfriend.
Then, later on, she can buy the whole “Red Bull factory” of your attention by marrying you. =)
Now, once a woman is deeply in love with you and you’re in a relationship with her, the situation changes.
At this point, you have to pay attention to her or she will LOSE interest in you.
See, she already VALUES your attention…
So now she requires it.
ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP:
-Keep taking her out on a date once a week as long as you’re with her <==This is the main way you can give her positive attention that keeps her interest in you sky-high.
-Randomly send flowers to her office once or twice a year on a random day for no reason.
-Give her your attention when she asks for it (when she says, “Hey, look at that thing over there” do it, etc.).
-Listen to her talk without trying to solve anything for 10 minutes every day.
-Etc.
Many of the things that would push a woman away in the beginning stages of dating are good things to do once she’s in love with you…
For example, it’s okay to buy her flowers once in a while once she’s in love with you but it’s a terrible idea on your first three dates.
Why?
Again, because she already thinks your attention is valuable now.
So, when she gets some of your valuable attention, it feels really good.
Before that, it doesn’t feel good at all.
Remember, the more a woman values your attention, the better she feels when she gets it.
So stop seeking female attention and stop giving one woman all of your attention before she’s deeply in love with you because those things make your attention less valuable to a woman than it actually is.
Instead, get out there and start making women feel amazing by making your attention as valuable as possible.
And then women will return the favor 10X by giving you the attention you deserve.
That’s the whole “game” in a nutshell:
Your success with women happens as a byproduct of developing your actual value as a man for yourself first and by learning specific dating strategies to communicate your value in a language women understand at the same time.
If you only develop yourself, women might be attracted to you for a while but they will eventually lose interest because you don’t know how to show women your value consistently…
And if you only learn dating strategies, you might be able to pretend that you’re valuable for a while but you won’t be able to keep women around once they figure out your real value.
On the other hand, if you make yourself as valuable as you can and learn how to communicate that value to women effectively, you’ll get everything you want and more.
Your value comes FIRST. Then your attention.
Not the other way around.
Remember this and you’ll be way ahead of your competition.
If you already own our best-selling Attract and Keep Her System and The Good Guy Guide, then you already know all the ways you can make yourself more valuable to a woman.
If not, grab your copy of Attract and Keep Her if you want a long-term relationship and The Good Guy Guide if you’re not sure if you’re ready for a long-term relationship right now.
And keep reading every article we publish on this website so that your value to women keeps going up.
Stick with me and good things will happen for sure.
Until Next Time,
Jim
Advanced Free Training:
Attract Women Without Words – Brad Pitt’s Body Language Secrets
How to Attract a Devoted Girlfriend or Wife – The Formula
How to Get Her Number and Text Her – Free E-Book
