Let’s say you meet an attractive woman…
You have an AMAZING conversation with her…
And it definitely seems like you both really like each other…
So, you get the nerve up to ask for her number and she gives it to you with a smile…
Awesome.
Then, after waiting a few days and sending a few light, fun, short texts back and forth with her, you tap into your courage one more time and ask her to meet up with you:
“Hey, let’s meet at Wine Bar X for happy hour on Thursday at 6:30. I’ve been wanting to try it out…”
Maybe she says yes and shows up for the date. Maybe she even kisses you. Maybe she even goes out on another date with you and you ask her out for a third date…
In other words, things seem to be going well with her.
Then, at some point, after all that flirting and all that work to get to this point, when you ask her to meet up with you for the first, second, or third time, she flat-out DECLINES your offer.
OUCH.
This sudden, usually surprising pang of “REJECTION” can be so painful that some guys avoid it altogether by never actually asking a woman to meet up.
It can happen any time in the early stages of dating…
And it seems like women do it without feeling bad at all (many of them do feel bad about it, by the way, which is why they say things like, “Maybe some other time…” instead of, “HELL NO! I wouldn’t be interested in you if we were the last two humans on a deserted island for 50 years…I just liked the attention that came from flirting with you a little bit and I didn’t know how to tell you that I don’t like you that way and never will. Sorry!” =)
Here’s the thing: For us men, the first 2-3 months after you meet a woman (the first 8-9 times you meet up with her) can be like running through a minefield:
No matter how well things seem to be going, everything can blow up any time during the first 3 months of dating a woman (after that 2-3 month period, if you do everything right, the tide starts to turn in your favor but you have to make it there first).
And, on the other hand, sometimes a problem that seems like a big deal ends up being nothing over the long-run.
The fact is, until you’ve been on 8-9 dates, spent 2-3 months building a foundation with her, and SHE brings up the idea of being in a relationship with you, you don’t really know how interested she is in you even if she seems very interested and things can go wrong at any time.
So, during this time, it’s best to ALWAYS underrate what you think her strength of interest is because this level-headed assessment is usually more accurate and it protects you at the same time.
Also, we have to be prepared for absolutely anything to happen during this time because chances are that if you’re taking action to attract the right woman for you, this WILL happen at some point (maybe even a lot).
In fact, unless they’re in the top 5% of looks and/or social status, the most successful men face women declining their date invitations a lot more than an average guy because they simply take more action than an average guy.
They realize that dating is much more of a “numbers game” than anything personal so they develop a way to handle “rejection” and then just keep taking massive action until they get what they want.
So, how should you handle it when a woman declines your date invite?
Well, that’s exactly what an awesome client asked me last week in response to our newsletter about using emojis:
“Hi Jim,
Thanks so much for your tips! I read your advice carefully and try to follow it all. 😉
Small question: what about if you invite her for a date, she sends you a message “Sorry, can’t make it on Tuesday :(“
Should you reply or leave it as the last text?
Thank you,
-M.S.”
What to do when she DECLINES your date invitation…
Here’s my response:
Hi M.S.,
Good to hear from you!
I’m glad you’re finding our tips helpful…and, more importantly, that you’re TAKING ACTION on what you learn in your real life.
That’s the biggest key to success by far.
So, WELL DONE sir.
To your question:
You basically have 2 options for how to respond to a decline text like this:
1. You can reply with a SHORT, non-pouty text like:
Ok
Ok cool
Right on
No problem; let’s talk later then
Ok cool. Let’s talk later then
Ok no problem 🙂 Let’s talk later
Etc.
2. You can choose NOT to reply.
This is my preferred answer, but it’s up to you.
Why should you choose not to reply in my opinion?
Great question…
Here’s the thing: If a woman IS interested in you, she will almost always make you a “COUNTEROFFER” when she declines your invitation.
That means she will give you a SPECIFIC alternative date and time that DOES work for her.
For example, in this case, she might say:
“Sorry, can’t make it on Tuesday :(”
Next text from her: “…how about Thursday?”
Or, “Can you do Thursday instead? :)”
Or, maybe 5 days later she texts you: “Hey stranger…can you meet up tomorrow? I’m finally free and want to hang out with you.”
That’s called a counteroffer and it shows you that she still might be interested in you even though she can’t accept your initial offer.
Why?
Because a woman who’s interested in you wants to see you so she will help you when it comes to meeting up with her. She’ll be somewhat disappointed that she can’t make your suggested day and time and will suggest a time that does work so that she gets to see you.
And you want to give her the chance to make the counteroffer.
She might text you a counteroffer 2 minutes later or she might even send it to you a week later…
The key is to wait and see if she makes you a counteroffer or not.
And here’s the even bigger key: If she doesn’t ever make a counteroffer or suggest that you meet up sometime in the near future, she’s simply not interested in you.
And, if she makes a GENERAL counter-offer like:
“Let’s meet up some other time.”
Or, “I’m really busy these days…I’ll let ya know when I’m free.”
Etc.
Assume she’s not interested in you and that she wants to soften the blow and protect your feelings.
Here’s what you definitely DO NOT want to do under ANY circumstances: Ask her out again…
DO NOT ask her out again unless she makes a specific counteroffer or re-engages you and strongly hints that she wants to meet up with you.
Why?
1. If she’s interested, she WILL absolutely, 100%, re-engage you and make you a specific counteroffer or at least hint that she wants to meet up with you.
And, if you ask her out again before she has the opportunity to come back towards you, it will lower her interest in you.
You did your job: You took action and asked her out for a specific time, date, and activity.
Now, it’s HER move.
So, let her make her move (or not).
2. If she’s not interested, you’re wasting time and energy on her that would be better spent meeting new women who ARE interested in you.
If she’s not interested in you, it literally doesn’t matter AT ALL what you do in this situation…
However, if she IS interested in you, you will lower her interest in you by continuing to ask her out/text back and forth with her and you’ll RAISE her interest in you by waiting for her to make you a counteroffer or hint at meeting up with you.
So, when a woman declines your date invitation, take a deep breath, let the stinging feeling wash over you, compose yourself, and then either send her a short message that DOES NOT show that you’re pouting, begging, angry, or putting her down or simply don’t respond.
Then, wait and see what happens…
If she re-engages you, makes you a counteroffer, or hints at meeting up with you, take things normally from there.
If she asks you out directly, ACCEPT her invitation unless you actually can’t make it (if you can’t, make her a specific counteroffer immediately).
And, if she just hints at meeting up because she wants you to play the male role and doesn’t directly ask you out, you can ask her out ONE more time at that point.
If a woman declines two date invitations without making you a SPECIFIC counteroffer, delete her number (social media profile, etc.) and MOVE ON. <==Read 3X…
I would do it after just ONE decline with no counteroffer within a week or so, but that’s very hard to do if you don’t have 100% faith in these truths yet, so feel free to try asking her out twice before you move on if you want.
It’s better to do everything you can to close the loop in your mind and be 100% sure than to leave it unfinished, so do whatever you have to do.
Remember: Patience is the key to women my friend…
During the first 2-3 months of dating we have to be strong enough to take action and make the right moves with the women we’re interested in. Then, we also have to be even stronger to be patient in-between the actions that we have to take to let things play out and encourage HER to come to US at the same time.
Is it tough?
Hell yes.
That’s why it’s so ATTRACTIVE.
Luckily, you know what’s really going on and that helps you be strong.
And the rewards coming your way because of that are worth it.
Because once a woman is actually deeply in love with you, she cuts out the game-playing, she’ll do absolutely anything for you as long as you treat her well, and she’ll be loyal to you as long as she’s in love with you (the problem is that even most married women are not deeply in love with their husbands. Luckily, because you already own the Attract and Keep Her System, you know how to make a woman fall in love with you now).
Hope this helps sir!
Until Next Time,
Jim
Advanced Free Training:
Attract Women Without Words – Brad Pitt’s Body Language Secrets
How to Attract a Devoted Girlfriend or Wife – The Formula
How to Get Her Number and Text Her – Free E-Book
