A while back, an awesome client named Amit wrote in and asked me a question I get from A LOT of guys who are worried about either having a lack of experience with relationships and women in general, about how their last relationship went, and/or about how they behaved in their past relationship and how all of that will affect how a new woman sees them:
“What is a good answer for the question, ‘When was the last time you were in a relationship/why did you break up?’ on a date?” Thanks! -Amit
See, during your first several dates with a woman, it’s very likely that she will ask you about your past relationships at some point…
And, by the way, when she asks you a question like that it’s a strong indicator of interest. So, it can be a really good thing for you if you handle it correctly.
However, a lot of guys are VERY insecure about answering this kind of question for various reasons…
Well, the thing is, she doesn’t really care about your “EXPERIENCE…”
And, she’s not really interested in hearing about all the mistakes you made in your past…
She’s just trying to see how you view relationships NOW in general and your attitude going FORWARD by asking about your past: She’s trying to get a “preview” on how things might go with you…
So, you should be prepared for it and have a good answer ready to go so you can relax and turn this kind of question into MORE success.
Here’s what I told Amit:
Well, you don’t want to lie, but you do want to frame it so your answer works for you.
You don’t have to be specific…
Remember: There’s a HUGE difference between being “honest” and being “open.”
Just say something like, “My last relationship was a little while back. All my exes are really cool, so she was an awesome woman, but after a while I discovered that she just didn’t have a positive attitude toward life, so I had to let her go (insert something you want from a woman personality-wise here so she’ll start to understand what you’re looking for in a woman).”
Something like that.
Make sense?
And, if you’ve never been in a relationship before, you can say something like, “I’ve been focusing on working on myself and my career so much that I haven’t been in a serious relationship recently. However, I’m at a point now where if something fun turns into something more, I’d definitely be open to it…”
Or, if you made mistakes in your past relationship and that’s why it ended, just say something like, “You know, I’ve learned a lot from every relationship I’ve ever been in, including when I’ve made some mistakes. And I plan to keep on learning everything I can and growing as a man as long as I live.”
Also, NEVER put any of your exes down because she will think that’s how you might talk about HER later…
And don’t put yourself down in this situation either.
Listen, anything you’ve done or any “bad” experiences you’ve had with women before now are in the past and you’re just on your path learning everything you need to learn to go forward from here.
All of your experiences have led you here, exactly where you are right now, so they really have always been positive even if they didn’t SEEM to be at the time. <==Very attractive attitude…
And this attitude is really what she’s looking for…
It’s not wishy-washy “positive thinking.”
It’s just acknowledging that you have no control whatsoever over the past and claiming the power that you DO have to go forward from here.
It’s what winners do…
And you, sir, are a winner.
So, from now on, whenever a woman asks you about your past, be HONEST with her but frame the truth in a way that shows her that you’re focused on moving forward in a positive direction with her from this point forward.
Until Next Time,
Jim
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