In this article we’re going to talk about a specific situation that comes up all the time in dating and exactly how to handle it…
And we’ll get to that in just a second…
First, let me say this: The way you should handle the situation we’re going to talk about will illustrate a very important concept:
Being TOO AVAILABLE kills female love.
See, a lot of guys think that being “there” for a woman or always being available any time she wants to see you is a good thing.
Well, it’s the opposite.
Being “there” for a woman or always being able to drop what you’re doing and see her, in the beginning stages of dating, only pushes a woman away.
When you show a woman that you’re too available, any interest that she might have in you starts to fade.
And she can’t even help it.
On the other hand, it’s still your job to lead the process of dating forward…
So, how do you balance taking the lead and still not being too available so we can make sure a woman’s interest in you keeps going UP instead of dying on the vine?
Well, let’s talk about a specific example so this concept really starts to sink in…
Would George Clooney ask a woman out twice?
Have you ever heard a guy say something like, “I had to ask my wife out three times before she finally agreed to go out with me…?”
Well, as a dating and relationship coach for men, when I hear a guy say something like that, I cringe…
Why?
Because, if a woman is actually interested in you, she will agree to go out with you.
In fact, if her interest is high enough, nothing can stop her from seeing you.
If she can’t make the day and time you suggest, she’ll suggest a day and time that does work for her.
And if she doesn’t like your date idea, she’ll suggest one that she does like.
I know this is a very complicated concept, but a woman who’s interested in you WANTS to spend time with you. =)
Now, sometimes a woman will decline your date invite because she’s actually busy and she won’t offer you another day/time/activity right away…
However, if she’s interested she’ll either offer to meet up with you at some point after that or she’ll agree if you ask her out again a week later.
She won’t turn you down twice.
And, if you have to ask a woman out three times before she says yes, you might end up in a relationship with her but it won’t be the kind of relationship we want.
You might “be with” someone but she won’t be in love with you.
And, unfortunately, this kind of relationship is all too common and causes many of the relationship problems people experience today.
Remember: Female interest is the number one most important factor in your relationship with a woman.
Because we want to be with women who want to be with us, not women who have some other agenda.
And because everything’s better when you’re with a woman who respects you and feels real feelings of attraction and love for you.
Now, if you ask a woman out and she has a boyfriend and then she tells you she’s single at a later date and then you ask her out again, that’s different.
However, that’s not normally how this plays out.
What usually happens is this:
The guy asks a woman out, she declines his offer, and then he immediately asks her out again for another date and time.
And, when he does that, he’s showing her that he’s TOO AVAILABLE.
So what should he do in that situation?
Simple…
The Power of the Counteroffer…
First of all, you should ask a woman out, and, when you do, you should be DIRECT and offer her a specific day, time, and location to meet up with you.
That’s how you LEAD things forward.
It’s your job.
And then, once you’ve asked her out, what do you do if she declines?
Well, it depends…
If she declines your date invitation but offers you a SPECIFIC ALTERNATIVE (she makes you a counteroffer), you accept her offer if you can make the day/time she suggests unless she asks you to meet up with her that exact same day (then just tell her you’re busy tonight but you’d love to meet up with her on X day if she can).
However, if she declines your date offer and does NOT offer you a SPECIFIC ALTERNATIVE, you:
1. DO NOT immediately ask her for an alternative day and time.
This is what most guys do and it’s a big mistake.
For example, a guy might text a woman something like:
Hey, let’s grab coffee on Thursday at 7:30 pm…Starbucks on State Street
HER: Oh, sorry, I can’t make it that day. :/
^Notice how she DOES NOT offer a SPECIFIC ALTERNATIVE (for example, she could say: Oh, sorry, I can’t make it that day…can you meet me on Wednesday instead?).
HIM: No problem! What about Wednesday? Or Saturday?
^This is a huge mistake.
When he does this, he’s showing her that he’s TOO AVAILABLE.
And, if she’s interested in him at all, it lowers her interest. Every time. (Of course, if she’s not interested, it doesn’t matter what he does).
So, what you should do instead is:
2. Just say something simple like:
Ok no problem
Or: No problem. Let’s talk later
And then smoothly end the texting conversation.
And then DO NOT keep texting her that day, the next day, etc.
3. IF she offers you what I call a DELAYED COUNTEROFFER, you can accept it and proceed normally from there.
For example, if she texts you:
Oh, sorry, I can’t make it that day :/
And then, three days later, she texts you:
Hey stranger!! I’m sorry I’ve been so busy lately…wanna grab a drink tomorrow night around 7? There’s a cool new happy hour I’ve been wanting to check out 🙂
Then, you can accept her offer if you want and proceed normally from there.
4. Alternatively, you can wait 4-8 days from the day you asked her out the first time and then ask her out ONE more time.
See what happens.
Here’s the key:
IF she IS interested in you, asking her out again immediately will crush her interest in you.
So will continuing to text her the next day, etc.
On the other hand, waiting 4-8 days before you ask her out again will preserve her interest in you. And it may even start raising it.
Because you’re showing her that you’re not TOO AVAILABLE, which makes a woman like you more IF she’s interested in you in the first place.
So, if you’re going to ask her out ONE more time after she declines a date invitation, make sure you wait 4-8 days before you ask her again.
And then, if she declines your second date invitation without offering you a SPECIFIC ALTERNATIVE (some other time doesn’t count), forget her number and move on to a woman who’s interested in you.
NEVER ask a woman out three times if she declines 2 date invitations.
Because if you ask a woman out a third time after she declines 2 dates and she does go out with you at that point, your standing with her will be so low that it’s not even worth being with her.
I mean, you’re better than that.
You DESERVE to be with a woman who wants to be with you.
So don’t lower yourself like that.
Ask a woman out once, see if she agrees or offers you a specific alternative or not, try ONE more time 4-8 days later if she doesn’t (if you just want to be sure about her), and, if it doesn’t work out with her by then, MOVE ON to the next woman.
By the way, my top clients never ask a woman out twice…
If she doesn’t accept a date invite or offer a specific alternative the first time they ask her out, they don’t ask her out again.
Harsh?
Maybe…
However, over the years I’ve found that this is actually the best policy because it matches the closest with reality and because it weeds out women who have low interest in them.
And those women aren’t right for them.
I don’t know about you, but I want to be with a woman who wants to be with me and so do my best students.
And, I also know that if a woman is interested in me and I don’t ask her out twice, she will contact me and at least hint that she wants to go out with me again.
And, when she does, I’m in a much stronger position with her than I would have been if I asked her out again before that.
So that’s when I would ask her out again if I was still interested.
And that’s what’s best for both of us because then she gets to experience feeling good, strong feelings about a guy and I get to experience her interest in me going up.
And let me tell ya, it feels GOOD when you can feel an attractive woman becoming more interested in you.
So, I’m telling you that you can ask a woman out twice if you want because you might not believe in these principles completely yet and you might need to see more proof before you fully buy in…
However, I don’t think George Clooney would ask a woman out more than once.
I mean, can you imagine an awesome, successful, attractive guy basically begging a woman to spend time with him or opening his whole calendar for a woman he barely knows?
Of course not.
And YOU’RE an awesome, attractive guy too.
So, from now on, you know what to do:
LEAD by asking her out but don’t chase her or show her that you’re TOO AVAILABLE by continuing to ask her out when she declines.
Be that attractive man we both know you are deep down and powerfully attract her (or the next awesome woman you meet if she’s not into you) instead.
Respect yourself and your schedule and women will respect you too.
Until Next Time,
Jim
Advanced Free Training:
Attract Women Without Words – Brad Pitt’s Body Language Secrets
How to Attract a Devoted Girlfriend or Wife – The Formula
How to Get Her Number and Text Her – Free E-Book
