They don’t.
It’s just that there are 2 things men tend to mix up: your truest, deepest self and personality and your behavior in a dating context.
What we call “game” allows women to feel attracted to you and eventually “love” (if you pass the initial physical attraction test).
Women do not fall for YOU. They fall in love with your BEHAVIOR.
That’s what can be so maddening. The same woman can fall equally hard for what we think of as an “asshole” as a genuinely “great guy.”
The REAL YOU doesn’t actually matter in the context of female love and attraction. She will RATIONALIZE her feelings for you based on your good qualities AFTER she’s attracted/in love. If you’re an “asshole,” she will simply use alternative rationalizations like “he’s different with me.”
How “good” you are as a person is for you to judge and love ONLY.
Your merit as a person only matters to you, your family, and society. No woman can fully validate who you are. They cannot love you only for that reason or “the friend zone” wouldn’t exist.
Women say they want socially acceptable qualities in a man, but they RESPOND to your BEHAVIOR.
So, if you’re a genuinely good person, start accepting and validating yourself, become whole and complete on your own, step up your GAME and share your amazing self with deserving women in a way that is ACTUALLY attractive to them.
Stop expecting a woman to “love you for you.” That NEVER happens except as a rationalization.
There’s a reason only 10% of marriages are happy, healthy, and functional and a BIG part of that is not understanding that women RESPOND only to your behaviors, not your deepest self.
She CANNOT and SHOULD NOT “love you for you” and validate your existence, no matter what our culture tries to tell you.
LOVING YOU IS YOUR JOB.
I’m going to repeat that because I think it’s so important.
Loving you is EXCLUSIVELY your job, not hers or anyone else’s.
Let her fall for you. Become a genuinely attractive man TO HER.
It doesn’t matter how you want it to be, it only matters what she actually RESPONDS to.
If a sexy woman walks into a room, you can’t help being attracted to her. The same is true for heterosexual women; what they automatically respond to is just different.
Women (after physical attraction) respond to the ACTIVE DEMONSTRATION OF MALE STRENGTH QUALITIES. Your actions and behaviors determine if her positive feelings toward you increase or decrease. Period.
Start loving yourself and building habits that make it natural for you to demonstrate the qualities she ACTUALLY responds to, and you will get everything you want and be a winner in life…
…without being an “asshole.”
Which, in the context of dating, matters MUCH less than you think. It’s YOUR job to be a good person on your own terms and still present her with attractive behaviors.
You have to decide what you want more from women: approval OR attraction/love.
The more you approve of yourself, the more secure you’ll be, the less approval you’ll NEED, and the more attraction and love you will receive (I hate the word “get” – GIVE is so much better and you receive the most by offering real value, not trying to get something).
She falls in love with your behavior whether she “likes” you or not. (Of course it’s much better if you both like each other in addition to your romantic feelings, which is another reason to develop yourself along with your tastes and preferences).
Rare is the man who develops both in equal parts.
If you’re one those men, that’s good for us, our partners, our families, our societies, and the future of humanity.
You inspire me.
Until Next Time,
Jim
