Attracting a woman is kind of like shooting a bow and arrow:
If you don’t pull the string back and push on the bow at the same time in the right amounts you will miss your target…
I mean, there’s a reason why Cupid shoots an arrow to symbolize romantic love. =)
And, before you start actively learning about this stuff, this idea can seem counterintuitive:
You mean in addition to building a connection with a woman, we should (must) break that connection sometimes as well?
Well, yes, because attraction and romantic love require an element of tension that isn’t necessarily there when we build other kinds of relationships with people.
If you want a long-term relationship with the right woman for you, there’s a “friendly war” that goes on until she ultimately decides that you’re the best thing since sliced bread and forgets about all the other men out there (this process usually takes 2-3 months assuming you do everything right).
And, if you’re just going for hookups, of course we need some “sparks” to fly in order to make that happen for you.
So, while we must build rapport with a woman and pull her in to create any kind of connection with her…
We MUST also break rapport with her and push her away a little bit as well if we want her attraction to increase and/or we want her to fall deeply in love with us.
Without this, her feelings will fade and she’ll seek someone more interesting who gives her ALL of the feelings she wants to experience (unless she’s in “safe” rebound mode where she avoids men she has genuine romantic feelings for).
Now, just like building rapport with a woman can be a challenge for a lot of us, most guys don’t know for sure when to break rapport with a woman and exactly how to push her away in the right way…
And I got a great question about this from a VIP client a while back.
Here’s what he wrote in:
“Dear Jim,
I am a subscriber to your emails and love your material. I can’t get enough of your info products. I got a quick question.
You mention breaking rapport in Attract and Keep Her and in The Good Guy Guide…
How does breaking rapport increase a woman’s attraction? Can you give me an example, please?
I don’t think you explained this well enough.
Thank you.
-D.H.”
This is an excellent question and the answer is critical to your dating success, so I decided to share my answer with you here in this article:
Why You Must BREAK Rapport with Women…
Hi D.H.,
Thank you for your email.
Glad to hear you’re enjoying our material so far!
To your question…
Here are 3 examples of when you should break rapport with a woman and how it increases her attraction when you do it correctly:
Example #1: When you’re on a first date with a woman a lot of guys will just agree with everything a woman says…
And, if they have a lot in common with her, they’ll constantly say things like, “OMG…Me too!!!!! Wow, we have SO MUCH in common!!!!”
Well, that doesn’t build any tension (= attraction).
So, instead, a guy should break rapport by stating his true opinions when he genuinely disagrees with her (without saying she’s wrong or being disagreeable)…
And I would even recommend breaking rapport even when you do actually have a lot in common with a woman.
Because without any tension there’s no attraction.
So, if both of you are like, “Me too! Me too!” on everything, it’s better to say something like, “Wait, you like X band? That’s it, I have to break up with you now… ;-)” even if you DO like that same band…
Then you can say, “Just kidding, I like Nirvana too. Duh.”
Or you can say, “Uh oh…I think we might be too similar…if you keep being so awesome I’m going to have to break up with you…” 😉 if you find yourself sharing all of the same tastes and preferences with her.
Just make sure you break rapport and get a little tension going at some point or there won’t be any “spark.”
Make sense?
It’s that TENSION that builds attraction…not connecting with her (that’s rapport).
You need BOTH.
And why would disagreeing with a woman sometimes vs. highlighting how much you have in common with her be attractive to her?
Well, there are several reasons this might be the case…
First of all, too much familiarity KILLS attraction (familiarity = family = you can’t/don’t want to DATE your family).
That’s why you should always close the door when you use the restroom even if you’ve been with a woman for 25 years:
Too much familiarity breeds contempt and destroys attraction and positive feelings.
Secondly, when you always agree with her, she interprets that as you seeking her approval even if you’re not…
And, if you’re seeking her approval, that means you’re not on her level or above and you’re being needy (or she interprets your behavior this way subconsciously) = she CAN’T be attracted to you.
Third, a woman doesn’t want to date herself with male private parts…
She wants to date YOU.
She wants to date someone who brings something unique to the table.
And she wants to know who YOU are and where YOU stand. <==She can’t get to know you and she won’t be able to trust you/know where you stand if you just go along with whatever she thinks and wants all the time.
And, lastly, if you’re not able to share your true opinions with her, and stand up to her when necessary, how will you stand up to the world and draw a line in the sand for her and possibly your family when she needs you to later?
See, she interprets the way you deal with her as the way you will deal with the world…
That’s why she might get upset with you in the short-term when you’re strong with her and hold your ground about something, but she will RESPECT you more and be more ATTRACTED to you as a mate long-term.
And here’s the thing: Is it really “nicer” to hold back your true tastes, preferences, and opinions vs. stating what you really want or what you really think about something?
Of course not.
It’s just weaker.
And you’re NOT being a jerk when you state your true opinion about something or disagree with her as long as you’re not saying she’s wrong and you’re right… <==This is the key distinction.
See, there are actually THREE levels here:
1. The stereotypical “nice” (weak) guy who goes along with whatever a woman says in an attempt to maintain his “connection” with her…
2. The jerk who puts her down and thinks his tastes and opinions are superior to everyone else’s…
3. The gentleman who realizes that we all have different tastes and opinions and that it’s a good thing to share them and allow others to share them too.
So, again, you’re not being a jerk when you disagree with her or share an opinion that differs from hers…
You’re actually showing confidence and internal strength = she will be MORE attracted to you even if she’s a little frustrated in the moment (as long as you’re not putting her and her opinions down).
And, if you DON’T share your true opinions, disagree with her sometimes, and stand up to her when you should, then she will LOSE attraction for you because you’re simply demonstrating weakness; you’re not actually being nice.
Remember: The most attractive bone in your body is your BACKBONE.
And here’s another thing: It’s okay for a woman to feel a little frustrated with you or upset a little bit with you sometimes…
It might be hard to believe, but it’s true.
And, if she never feels like that with you, then you’re probably not being the most attractive version of yourself.
Because frustration is very similar to attraction in the beginning stages of dating and understanding this principle is key to your success.
Listen, if a woman is a little frustrated that you’re not chasing her like every other man she’s ever met and because you’re not caving to her every demand, that’s a GOOD thing because later on she’ll get to experience the LONG-TERM benefits of feeling strong attraction and love for a great guy (you).
And if a woman is a little upset with you in the moment because you firmly yet gently disagreed with her about something, that’s a GOOD thing because now she will get to feel increasing attraction for you and maybe release some of that tension with you physically. <==This is good for both of you.
So, you have to think about what’s best for both of you over the LONG-TERM; not be afraid of what might happen in any given moment. <==This makes you a truly good guy (and a brave one at that) vs. a “nice (weak) guy.”
Do you have what it takes to respectfully let her know who you are and where you stand?
That’s what she wants to know.
Example #2: You also want to break rapport with a woman by teasing her playfully…
Especially after giving her a compliment.
So, “You’re SO beautiful…” is a compliment and it’s not really very attractive to say something like this…
On the other hand, “You seem like a really cool person (a lighter compliment)…” followed by, “it’s too bad I’m not attracted to you at all (playful tease while smiling with your eyes so she knows you’re being playful)” 😉 is VERY attractive.
You can also subtly break rapport in this scenario by asking her to share more about herself with you instead of teasing her if you want:
“You seem like a really cool person Melinda (a lighter compliment)…” followed by, “I’m curious: If you hit the lottery jackpot and never had to work again, what would you do then and why?”
And why is breaking rapport like this MORE attractive than just saying, “Hey, I like you…wanna get married next week?” on your first 2-3 dates?
Well, because if you’re already 100% sold on her before you even get to know her, that will KILL her attraction for you and your connection with her will fizzle.
On the other hand, if you ONLY push her away/break rapport then she’ll think you’re a jerk and if she has average or better self-esteem she’ll eventually stop dating you.
However, if she knows you’re interested in her AND you’re not completely sold on her yet and you want to see MORE from her, then her attraction for you will keep growing until it becomes an uncontrollable bonfire of desire. <==This is the code to the safe…interested and not completely sold/not needy/not sure yet/indifferent at the same time.
So you have to both build rapport and break it.
Strategically of course.
Remember: Attraction = She has some of your attention but she doesn’t have ALL of you yet.
Okay, here’s one more example:
Example #3: If you ask a woman out and she declines your date invitation without offering you a specific day and time when she can meet up with you, you should break rapport with her by not contacting her again.
You can finish your “texting convo” if you want, but after that, don’t contact her again.
Why?
Because if she’s not interested in you then you’re wasting your time…
And if she IS interested in you and you keep texting her after she declined your date invitation you will destroy her remaining interest in you.
And it’s even worse if you ask her out again right away.
On the other hand, if she IS interested in you and you cut off contact, she will realize it at some point and go, “Crap, I really like this guy…I better get my act together with him…”
Then, she’ll text you and hint at meeting up with you.
And because you were able to break rapport when she behaved in a way you didn’t appreciate, she will RESPECT you more and she’ll be more attracted to you when you finally do go out with her again vs. losing respect for you and interest in you when you TOLERATED her bad behavior.
Make sense?
Awesome.
Remember: If you want a woman to become more attracted to you and/or eventually fall in love with you, then you have to build AND break rapport with her.
So make sure you’re doing it right…
For hookups all the instructions on how to do it right can be found inside The Good Guy Guide.
And, if you want the right woman for you to fall and stay deeply in love with you it’s all laid out for you step-by-step inside the Attract and Keep Her System.
Until Next Time,
Jim
