If you accept the fundamental truth we’re talking about here in this article, your results with women will improve dramatically…
And you’ll save yourself from unnecessary frustration and pain.
So, what is this TRUTH about male/female dynamics that we must work to understand and accept, especially if we want to be happy when it comes to dating and being in relationships with women?
The TRUTH about male/female dynamics…
Here’s the deal:
When it comes to dating and relationships, women choose first; then we choose.
And here’s how this concept plays out in detail:
1. When it comes to initial attraction, women are in complete control.
It really doesn’t have much to do with you (us) at all…
And if a woman isn’t interested in you or at least a little bit open to you (interest = 1 out of 10) when she first sees/meets you, there is NOTHING you can do to attract her.
Even the best “player” in the world cannot attract a woman who simply isn’t interested…
Not even Casanova could do it.
See, there are some people out there who think that “game” means taking a woman who’s not interested and making her interested…
Well, that’s not game…that’s IMPOSSIBLE.
It’s a colossal waste of time and energy.
And if we try to do things that literally cannot be done no matter how awesome we are, we tend to lose self-worth and confidence for no real reason at all.
I mean, would you feel bad about yourself if you couldn’t dunk on a 75-foot hoop?
Of course not.
Because not even Shaq, Wilt, or Zion could do that.
And not even Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball 750 yards…
So why would you feel bad about yourself if you can’t attract a woman who’s just not interested in you?
NOBODY CAN.
Yet so many men around the world try and try and try to do it because THEY are interested in a woman.
Well, as I always talk about in all my books and programs, YOUR interest in a woman is largely irrelevant.
What matters is HER interest in you.
FEMALE INTEREST is the #1 factor in your dating and relationship success.
(Attract and Keep Her teaches you how to identify which women are interested in you, then how to RAISE female interest, then how to maintain high female interest as long as you want to be in a relationship with a woman because it’s that important).
And this is one big thing most “relationship experts” miss: The importance of female interest.
If a woman’s interest in you hits 0, no amount of couples therapy or anything else can help you.
So, what we want to do is figure out which women are interested in us and then decide which of those women we are also interested in.
And this is a huge paradigm shift from what most men do: Relentlessly pursue a woman they are interested while disregarding her interest completely.
And that’s not a very effective strategy.
Remember: Her interest in you isn’t what’s irrelevant… It’s your high interest in a woman that’s mostly irrelevant.
When a guy emails me and says:
“I really like Sharizar…”
“I haven’t ever felt like this about anyone else before…”
“I’ve only been in love with 2 women…”
I automatically think: Okay, I understand why you’re sharing this with me (you think this is an important detail), but WHY are you mentioning something that doesn’t matter AT ALL when it comes to the question you’re asking me?
Your interest is irrelevant…
What matters is this:
“Does Sharizar like you? How much?”
“Does she feel stronger feelings for you that she’s ever felt before?”
“Is she in love with you?”
HER interest is what matters.
And, in terms of initial attraction, we don’t have much to do with whether or not a woman will be interested in us in the actual moment when she meets us (we can make it more likely in general but there’s no way we can make sure one particular woman is attracted to us).
2. Just because one particular woman isn’t interested in you doesn’t mean the woman standing right next to her isn’t interested in you.
A woman might like you because you dress the way her favorite actor dresses even though you’re not her usual “type…”
Or maybe she’s not interested in you because you remind her of an ex-boyfriend…
There’s no way to know if any particular woman will be interested in you or not until you FIND OUT.
For example, let’s say you’re standing at a bar having a drink in a fairly crowded venue and you say hi to a woman who comes up next to you to order her next drink…
She might just turn her body away from you and ignore you…
Then, 5 minutes later, another woman comes and stands next to you and you say hi to her as well.
She might say, “Hey, you seem fun, wanna go sit over there with me and talk for a bit?”
Here’s the key: In the initial phase IT’S ALL UP TO HER.
She makes the first choice; then, IF she’s interested in you or at least open to you, you can choose to continue with her or not.
Yet the initial choice is hers.
So, because you’re aware of that, you try to start a conversation with whichever women look interesting to you and see which ones are open to it/you.
If they’re not, move on quickly instead of investing your time, energy, and emotions into a dead-end.
And I don’t care how “amazing” a woman is…
If she’s not interested it ain’t going anywhere.
So find an amazing one who’s interested.
And if a woman IS open to you, then you can lead the interaction forward.
Here’s a good example of how this initial attraction thing plays out:
I recently watched a season of a show called Love Island…
It’s a reality show full of good-looking single people looking for a long-term relationship.
And when a new man comes onto the show/comes to the island, all the women on the island line up…
And the ones who are interested in that man step forward to show their interest in him.
Then he gets to choose one of them to “couple up” with.
Well, one of the first men to come to the island was a good-looking guy with a great personality.
And guess what?
Out of 6 or 7 women, NONE of them stepped forward for him to say they were interested in him…
So, he still got to choose a woman to “couple up” with for the purposes of the show, but there wasn’t any chemistry there for him.
And this guy was pretty cool.
Now, here’s where it all turned around for the guy:
More women came to the island later in the show.
And, eventually, TWO women expressed interest in him at the same time (they were even better-looking than the women who weren’t interested in him)…
And then a third woman expressed interest in him after that.
So at that point, he had 3 good options to choose from.
Yet he didn’t have ANY options at first.
Because women choose FIRST; then we choose.
And he couldn’t do anything about the fact that none of the women in the first group were interested in him.
Here’s the key: If he had given up or lost his self-confidence after that first potentially embarrassing moment when no women were interested in him, he would have missed the opportunity to choose from THREE good-looking, awesome women who were interested in him later.
And that’s where I want you to get to in your real life: I want you to get to the point where just because one woman or a few women aren’t interested in you, that doesn’t stop you from dating the women out there who ARE interested in you.
So instead of focusing all of your efforts and energies on one woman who may or may not be into you because of YOUR high interest in her, start looking for women who are interested in you instead.
If you do, you’re halfway to paradise with women already.
Because a woman with genuine interest in you treats you better and she’s much better to be with than a woman who’s indifferent.
3. Now, why do women get to choose first and then we choose?
Well, probably mostly because they have ONE egg for every 300,000,000+ sperm out there.
When it comes to mating, fertile females are simply much more valuable than an average male.
So women get to choose first mostly because of “egg economics.”
And mating is much riskier for a woman that it is for you, so she has to be more selective.
Now, of course, if you’re the only man left on an isolated island with 3,000 women on it, this dynamic won’t really matter for you…
So, the dynamics of this can play out differently in different situations (tons of single women in NYC…not so many in rural Alaska).
However, some women will still be much more interested in you than others even on this “fantasy island.”
And, if you want to be in a relationship, what you want to do is choose a woman who chooses you first.
That’s one of the biggest keys to being happy with a woman long-term and most guys never even think about it.
4. Here’s another key: If a woman IS interested in you, your behavior determines what happens.
If you do everything right, her interest will keep climbing…
If not, it will crash.
Also, once a woman’s interest in you passes your interest in her, the power dynamic of the relationship shifts in your favor (and this is also good for her too)…
So your job is to identify a woman who’s interested in you that you’re also interested in and then RAISE her interest in you until it’s (a little bit) higher than your interest in her.
Ideally, we want her interest in you at a 9.6 out of 10 while your interest in her is 9.3-9.5 out of 10.
That’s the best we can realistically do in this human experience…
And a relationship like that is one that can keep both people satisfied and it’s one that can last as long as you want.
5. Now, here’s one last critical point:
Even once a woman’s interest in you hits 9 out of 10 or higher, you still have to maintain her interest in you or you’re in trouble.
Let me illustrate this point with an example that ties this whole article together nicely:
There’s an actress I think is attractive in every way and would be a good person to be in a relationship with (you probably haven’t heard of her honestly because she’s not extremely famous)…
And, for a while, she had a boyfriend who I also think is amazing.
As a dating and relationship coach, I could tell that she was genuinely very interested in him…
In fact, I thought it was very likely that they would get engaged soon.
However, even though her boyfriend seems like a genuinely awesome person, he clearly doesn’t understand the importance of female interest (and how male interest is mostly irrelevant and can actually drown out female interest if we’re not careful).
See, everything was going along great for them…
Until I noticed that on Valentine’s Day, he posted this on Instagram: “To my forever woman…” along with a photo of the two of them.
Now, most people probably thought that his post was sweet, or at least that there wasn’t anything wrong with it…
Yet, I knew it meant trouble for him.
Why?
Because she didn’t say or post something like that FIRST.
It’s okay to say things like that AFTER she does…
Yet, if you do it first, it starts to erode female interest.
And a woman can’t even help it.
Now, if SHE posted, “To my forever man…”
And then he responded with something similar or posted something like that a week or two later, then there would be no problem at all (although we should still keep it to a minimum).
But he did it FIRST.
He broke self-control and expressed his interest verbally before she had done so at the same level (in a public forum no less)…
And this goes against the principles of female interest vs. male interest.
So what happened?
Well, even though her interest in him was clearly high at the time and she responded with something cool to his VDay post, it started to fall after that…
And just a few months later she caught feelings for another man and LEFT HIM.
If I didn’t see his Instagram post, I would have been shocked because she was definitely into him before…
But I DID see the post and I knew it (and the underlying principles he was probably violating consistently) would cause him problems.
So stay on your toes: Keep doing everything right even after a woman has high interest so you can make it all the way home instead of getting left on third base. =)
Never forget that it’s her interest in you that matters.
And remember: When a woman sees you for the first time, she’ll either be interested in you or not…
If she IS, proceed normally.
And if NOT, move on to a woman who IS.
Until Next Time,
Jim
Advanced Free Training:
Attract Women Without Words – Brad Pitt’s Body Language Secrets
How to Attract a Devoted Girlfriend or Wife – The Formula
How to Get Her Number and Text Her – Free E-Book
