You probably already know that RESPECT is the foundation of a good relationship…
And, of course, you must respect a woman if you don’t want her to lose interest in you over time…
However, here’s the main point of this article: It’s even more important that a woman respects YOU if you want her to have strong feelings for you, fall deeply in love with you, and stay deeply in love with you.
And you don’t just get respect from a woman automatically.
You have to earn it over time by showing her that you respect yourself, by enforcing your boundaries, by expressing yourself, and by standing up to her when necessary.
And a client wrote in with a question about this topic the other day…
Here’s his email:
“Hey Jim,
I like your book The Good Guy Guide it’s great, but you said we should stand up to a woman…
Could you explain more on how to stand up to a woman and when?
Thanks a lot,
D.B.”
Well, here’s my take on all of this:
NO RESPECT = NO LOVE
Let me tell you something about ROMANCE:
It’s not always very romantic. =)
What do I mean?
Well, like a lot of things in life, when it comes to dating women, you don’t get what you DESERVE…
You get what you negotiate.
And, if a woman doesn’t know where your line in the sand is, she cannot respect you…
And, again, if she cannot respect you, then she CANNOT fall or stay in love with you. <==Read 3X…
Also, if a woman knows deep down that you can walk away from her if things get too bad and be just fine, it drives her interest in you through the roof. <==True story…
Now, here’s the thing: She has to know where the line is without you TELLING her.
You have to show her where the line is with your actions.
How and When to Stand Up to a Woman…
When you meet a woman you like, you will have AMPLE opportunities to earn her respect over the course of the first 6-10 dates or the first 2-3 months you’re dating her…
In fact, it’s very likely that such an opportunity will come along in your first or second conversation with her.
When?
When she disagrees with something that you say…
In that case, do you:
1. Change your opinion to seek her approval OR
2. Stick to your opinion (while respecting hers also) and earn her RESPECT?
I think you already know which one leads to the best results.
And now, here are a few more examples of when and how you should stand up to a woman and earn her respect, which also allows her love for you to grow:
A. When she shares an opinion that you disagree with, let her know that you disagree…
This is the opposite of the first example.
You’re not saying that she’s wrong…
You’re just saying that you disagree.
You want to disagree with her without being disagreeable. <==This is the key.
So, make sure you say, “I think…” or “Well, in my opinion…” etc.
That way, you’re taking ownership of your perspective.
It’s just YOUR opinion; it’s not THE opinion.
Make sense?
Awesome.
And, by the way, if you’re afraid of disagreeing with her…why is that?
Because you don’t want to break rapport with her right?
Well, here’s the thing: A man with a lot of genuine confidence (high internal value and internal strength) is able to share his truth even if he’s afraid.
And that confidence is wildly attractive to a woman.
B. When she tries to change you or rips on your taste, double down on it…
For example, let’s say you’re driving with her in your car on the second date…
And you put a little music on.
And then she asks you to change the music or says she doesn’t like what you’re playing…
Instead of just immediately changing the station or song, TURN IT UP.
Then, look at her and smile.
Do this playfully.
You can even say something like, “You better get used to it baby, this is my jam…” 😉 etc.
The key is not to let her influence you so easily.
Silly example?
Maybe…
But these little things are important because they establish a pattern.
And this pattern leads to her respecting you and causes her feelings for you to grow (probably because if she can’t influence you so easily, that means the world won’t be able to influence you easily either, so that means that you can stand up for her – and maybe even your kids someday – also…just a guess).
Now, you don’t need to go overboard on this and keep the volume at level 100 all the way to your date…
Just show her that you love the music you’re playing.
Then, you can turn it back down and talk to her or you can try another song if you want after that.
Same thing goes if she makes fun of the food you like: Eat it with passion, “Mmmmmm….sooooo goood. You’re missing out.”
Etc.
Get it?
Excellent.
C. If you ask her out on a date and she asks you if she can bring a friend along, cancel the offer.
Just say something like, “You know what, on second thought I actually have a meeting that night…totally forgot. Let’s talk later.”
Or, “You know what, let’s meet up on a different day instead. Talk soon”
The key is NOT to agree to let her bring someone with her on the date without saying that’s the reason you’re withdrawing your offer…
You want her to figure it out on her own.
And, if she’s actually interested in you, she’ll figure it out real quick.
Remember: You want to date her; so don’t settle for anything less.
If she’s just not interested you won’t waste your time…
And if she is interested she’ll get MORE interested and start realizing that she has to cut out the games if she wants to be with you. <==This is powerful.
D. If you ask her out on a date and she declines without offering you a specific alternative day and time when she can hang out with you DO NOT offer her more days and times when you can meet up or ask her out again.
Instead, wait 4-8 days and try asking her out ONE more time or just forget her number and move on.
I won’t go too deep with this in this article, but just realize that if you say:
Hey, let’s meet for coffee on Weds at 7pm at Stardollars on Sunset and 10th
And she replies with, “Hey! I can’t on Weds, sorry! Some other time tho fo sho…” <==This does NOT contain a specific counteroffer…
Then you should NOT say, “Well, how about Thursday?”
Etc.
Instead, again, just wait 4-8 more days and try again OR forget her number and move on.
Trust me, if she’s interested in you she’ll figure out a way to let you know.
And if you don’t chase her then her interest in you will go up vs. getting annihilated when you immediately show her that you’re TOO AVAILABLE.
E. If you ask her out, she agrees, and then she texts you right before your 6 pm date on the day of the date and asks, “Hey, can we meet up at 9pm tonight instead (3 hours later)?” or something like that, CANCEL the date.
Just say, “Hey, let’s cancel tonight and hang out another time instead…no worries =)”
…or something like that.
The key is to say, “No” to a woman when necessary instead of putting up with all kinds of things you don’t want to put up with. <==Read 3X…
F. If she shows up for a date late twice in a row and you don’t like that, SAY SOMETHING to her about it vs. continuing to let resentment start to build up…
You don’t have to be mean, but you do need to let her know where you’re at.
So, just say, “Hey, I would appreciate it if you were on time for our next date…”
Then, see if she’s late for the next date.
If she’s late again and it’s a big deal for you to be on time in life, then WALK AWAY instead of putting up with it for the next 25 years.
And if you show up to pick a woman up for a date and she’s 20-30 minutes late coming out of the house, I would just leave without her and go do something else.
Otherwise you’ll be waiting around for her your whole life. =)
Now, lots of women are a little bit late or take a little longer that you’d like to get ready.
However, a woman who respects you and your time will do her best to join you in a reasonable timeframe. And she’ll apologize and make sure it doesn’t happen twice if there were extenuating circumstances that made her extra late one time.
G. Listen to your GUT…and ask her about it.
When you feel like something’s going on or something’s wrong in your GUT, ask her about it.
Don’t ignore that feeling.
Ask her.
Now, you don’t want to accuse her of something because you might be wrong.
Just check with her to see if you’re off-base or not.
For example, back in my college days I had been on several dates with a woman I was really starting to like.
I wanted her to be my girlfriend and it looked like things were headed that way.
However, one evening, I started to get a gut feeling that something was off…
So, while we were hanging out at her apartment the next night, I asked her, “Hey…I have this sick feeling in my stomach…is there a reason why I should feel that way?”
HER: “Well, I kind of made out with the bartender last night…”
Ugh…
ME: “Hmmm…okay. Well I thought we were headed in a certain direction but I guess not. I’ll see ya later.”
And then I walked out of there and went home.
Now here’s the thing: We were NOT in a committed relationship yet, so it was 100% cool for her to do that.
However, it’s not what I wanted; I wanted her to be my girlfriend.
So, I showed her with my actions that I would stick to what I wanted (I wouldn’t have done this after one or two dates btw…we were at 5-6 dates already and we were heading for the end zone).
And guess what happened?
Two days later she came over to my house crying, asked me to give her another chance, and promised that she wouldn’t do it again.
And then her interest in me skyrocketed because her RESPECT for me had grown so much and she became my girlfriend after that.
And that, my friend, is when and how you stand up to a woman.
You gotta start listening to your gut:
Sometimes you have to stand your ground and sometimes you have to compromise. And, if it gets too bad, you have to walk away.
Remember: Your BACKBONE is the most attractive bone in your body.
Now, you can be GENTLE as long as you’re also a MAN.
Never compromising or saying, “Yes” to a woman makes you a domineering jerk…
Never standing your ground or saying “No” to a woman makes you an unattractive wimp…
Saying, “No” when necessary and standing up to her when you should while also being flexible and compromising when you should makes you an attractive gentleman.
So be flexible with her when you should but don’t let her walk all over you or she will never fall and she won’t stay in love with you.
Your gut will tell you where your lines are; it’s up to you to enforce them with ACTION.
Respect yourself FIRST and she will follow. <==This is the biggest key.
You don’t want to disrespect her; you just want to respect yourself.
And when you respect her and yourself at the same time you always win unless she’s just not the right woman for you.
Until Next Time,
Jim
