This is the kind of paradigm shift that can improve your results with women for the rest of your life…
See, most guys out there who’ve never taken the time to learn anything about attraction and love constantly overrate a woman’s interest in them.
In fact, studies show that men regularly misinterpret all kinds of “signs” in all sorts of situations thinking that they mean that a woman wants them when, in fact, she’s doesn’t at all.
And if you think about it, it makes evolutionary sense:
There’s a low penalty for assuming a woman wants you, pressing the issue a bit, and then later discovering that she’s not interested.
On the other hand, if you never think a woman might be interested in you, you’re not very likely to try to initiate anything with her, so the chances of having offspring drop to zero.
So it makes sense why men might be “programmed” to think women are more interested in them than reality would dictate.
And this is also what a lot of “dating experts” recommend to men:
ASSUME SHE’S INTERESTED UNTIL SHE ACTIVELY REJECTS YOU.
And while I partially agree with this premise, I suggest a more nuanced approach for the thinking man…
Especially if he wants to be in a long-term relationship vs. filtering out women who won’t hook up with him immediately.
And especially because the penalty for misreading a woman’s interest is higher these days.
Should you ASSUME a Woman’s interested in you?
Listen, here’s something that I constantly stress in all of my material for men: FEMALE INTEREST is the number one factor in a long-term romantic relationship.
It’s her interest in you that matters; not how much you like her.
And what most guys do is this:
They get fixated on ONE woman and then project their interest onto her…
Meaning that they think something like, “Well I like her, so she must like me…” <==This is projection/wishful thinking because your interest in a woman is completely separate from her interest in you.
OR, they just “try to get her” without ever considering her interest level at all.
On the other hand, some guys don’t think any woman, or at least the kind of women they really want, could possibly be interested in them. <==This is simply a lack of self-worth/self-esteem and it’s not based on reality either.
So what’s the most rational approach to attracting women?
Should we assume a woman’s interested in us and push things until she actively rejects us (or accepts our advances)?
Or, should we assume that she might NOT be interested and then go find out?
The Double-Sided Coin that
Attracts Women Like a Magnet…
Well, here’s my philosophy that I’ve developed over the last 20 years or so…
It works well for me and my top clients, so maybe it will work for you also:
When you want to attract a particular woman, assume she might be interested in you (this is the actual reality; you don’t really know for sure either way and it doesn’t serve you to overrate OR underrate her interest when you simply don’t know), then GO FIND OUT. And then, and here’s the biggest key: Be okay with it either way.
Now, let’s break down how to actually do this…
If you want to FIND OUT if a woman is really interested in you or not, you have to use CHECKPOINTS.
These are the only signs you can consistently rely on when it comes to female interest.
And here are the checkpoints you can use to determine female interest:
She engages in a conversation with you, she gives you her number or texts you after you give her yours, she accepts your date invitation, she shows up for your date (many women will agree and then cancel in those precious few hours right before your date), she kisses you or kisses you back when you go for a kiss by the end of the second date, she shows up for your THIRD date (this is a big one), and she brings up the idea of being in a relationship with you at some point (usually between dates #6-9 or so).
So what you want to do is assume that she might be interested in you and ACT as if she IS interested in you and just keep leading everything along properly.
And then, look for checkpoints along the way to FIND OUT her true interest level.
The more checkpoints she passes, the higher her interest in you.
And, if she doesn’t pass a checkpoint, chances are very high that she’s not interested in you and then your best play is to move on.
And that brings us nicely to the second part of this:
How to be okay with it if it turns out that she’s not interested in you…
Well, first of all, cultivate as many options as you can.
If you’re dating three women that you like, it’s a lot easier to take it when you find out that one of them isn’t into you vs. investing ALL of yourself into one woman you don’t even know very well yet and then getting destroyed when you’re simply not her type.
Secondly, actively create a life you love whether any particular woman likes you or not. If you love your life with or without her, it softens the blow. And, by the way, it creates a much healthier environment to form a relationship if a woman IS interested in you.
Third, build a strong social circle that supports you.
If you have a lot of awesome friends to hang out with, it helps. And, they can introduce you to more attractive women.
And, lastly, get your mind right.
Remember: A woman cannot make you happy.
Only you can do that.
And you can do it by actively expressing gratitude on a regular basis AND by pursing your true desires at the same time.
Also, your worth as a man has nothing to do with whether one particular woman likes you or not.
I mean, while most women are attracted to Brad Pitt, there are some who don’t find him all that attractive compared to their ideal type.
So no man is universally attractive to all women.
And that means that just because one woman isn’t into you doesn’t mean that a lot of other women on her level won’t be.
So, again, don’t get hung up on one woman so soon.
Instead, take your time.
Assume she might be interested in you so that you can take action and lead the attraction process forward.
Then, FIND OUT how interested she is in you.
If she IS interested in you, raise her interest into the stratosphere and build something great with her.
And, if she’s not, move on to the next one.
It’s okay to feel a little sting when you discover the painful truth that a woman you’re attracted to you isn’t into you, but it’s not okay to let it stop you from continuing your life and moving FORWARD.
So yeah, go ahead and be overconfident that all women are super into you in general so you can build up the courage to go start a conversation with that gorgeous girl at the coffee shop. It helps.
And then, from there, just realize that this is all about female interest level: They do the choosing FIRST and then we choose.
We have very little control over this except for your ability to raise your value in general (by working out, dressing well, etc.).
The truth is that we just don’t know which women are going to be interested in us and which ones aren’t. And we can’t tell just by looking at them. We have to actively find out.
And, as long as you don’t have some big negative reaction or keep pressing the issue when you discover that a woman’s not into you, then it’s completely fine (and a really good thing no matter what happens) for you to approach her and give it a shot.
So, use that overconfident courage to TAKE ACTION and ask her out, go for a kiss, etc.
And then pull it back a little bit and FIND OUT what her interest level really is after that.
Being able to assume a woman’s probably into you because you’re awesome (duh, who wouldn’t want to be with you) and then also being completely fine with it if it turns out that you’re not her type is a dating superpower for a man.
It’s the concept of push-pull in action.
And, if you apply it to multiple awesome women vs. getting all worked up over one that may or may not be interested in you, it works like a charm.
So keep this double-sided coin with you at all times on your path to attracting the right woman for you. It will never let you down.
Alright man, I’ll be back with you soon…
Until Next Time,
Jim
Advanced Free Training:
Attract Women Without Words – Brad Pitt’s Body Language Secrets
How to Attract a Devoted Girlfriend or Wife – The Formula
How to Get Her Number and Text Her – Free E-Book
