Did you know that the “Golden Rule” can actually be one of the most damaging ideas in the world when it comes to dating and relationships?
How?
We’ll get to that in just a second…
First, let’s take a look at what the Golden Rule is and see if we can break it down.
Basically, most people interpret the “Golden Rule” this way:
Treat other people the way YOU want to be treated…
(Other “official” versions use archaic English phrases like “Do onto others…” etc. For our purposes, we’ll use the general idea behind the phrase).
Now, that sounds like a good idea right?
Treating other people the way you want to be treated really seems like a way to be more loving and civil…
It seems like an ideal we should aspire to.
So, what’s wrong with the Golden Rule and how does it destroy attraction and ruin relationships?
Why the Golden Rule DESTROYS Attraction and Ruins Relationships…
The Golden Rule falls short of being a good way to treat other people because we don’t all want to be treated the same way…
Instead of treating people the way YOU want to be treated, it’s much better to treat people the way THEY want to be treated. <==Read 3X…
Make sense?
Awesome.
It’s this little shift in “other-awareness” that can really help you take off when it comes to dating, making great friends, networking for business, sales, negotiations, giving presentations, relationships, and anything else that involves other people.
So, instead of the Golden Rule, follow the PLATINUM RULE from now on:
Treat other people the way THEY want to be treated…
How does that specifically apply to dating and relationships?
GREAT question sir…
1. Women are fundamentally attracted to different things than you are…
Now, that might sound obvious, but human beings have a tendency to think other people think, feel, and want the same things as they do.
[RELATED from the female perspective: 6 Things to Never Say to a Man]
So, a lot of the things that guys do that push women away are things that a man might actually LIKE when a woman does it (and that’s why guys do those things: it seems like a good idea because they would like it).
And, a lot of the things that are attractive to women don’t have ANY affect on men at all.
For example, PRESELECTION is one of the four things that make a woman more attracted to you if she’s somewhat attracted to you to begin with (yes, there are ONLY four things that raise female interest…everything else is a rationalization).
What does preselection mean?
It basically means that if a woman thinks that other women on her “level” are attracted to you, she’ll become more attracted to you.
Now, I don’t know about you, but a woman doesn’t become MORE attractive to me the more guys are surrounding her…
And again, that’s because our brains are wired to look for completely different things and the process of attraction mostly happens outside of our conscious awareness.
So that’s the main reason why we have to LEARN the skills of dating and relating to women:
The things that matter, the things that work, and the things that actually make a difference are not immediately obvious to us because they aren’t the same things that make a woman attractive to us.
And so, from now on, consistently give women what they ACTUALLY respond to instead of what you think “should be” attractive to them.
By the way, what women ACTUALLY respond to (after initial attraction) is:
PRESELECTION
HIGH INTERNAL VALUE (genuine confidence/self-worth/self-esteem)
INTERNAL STRENGTH (your ability to say “no” when necessary, state your opinion even if it’s not popular, and walk away when it’s called for) and
CHALLENGE (you don’t chase her…you just LEAD and let her chase you if she wants – you’re not “easy” to get like every other guy she eventually gets tired of and you have a full life that you truly love whether or not it works out with her)
…as demonstrated through your actions over time.
That’s it…
If you already own the Attract and Keep Her System, then you know exactly what I’m talking about (and if not, get yourself in there asap…).
2. When you do something for a woman (after she’s already in love with you and she’s in a committed relationship with you), do something SHE would like, not something you think she should like.
And this same idea applies to getting presents for your family, doing things for your friends, etc.
For example, a few years ago one of my family members (to remain nameless because we don’t put people down around here) gave me a present for my birthday…
And, when she handed it to me, she said, “You better like it…” implying that she worked hard/spent a lot of money to get it.
That sentiment is the EXACT opposite of a healthy relationship.
In a healthy relationship, you ONLY give things to other people FREELY.
If you can’t give something with absolutely no strings attached (including emotional ones), don’t give it. <==Read 3X…
Otherwise, RESENTMENT (that YOU created) builds up and resentment is the silent assassin of loving relationships.
(Plus, if you give her something or do something for her in the beginning stages of dating in the hopes that it will make her like you more, it’s called qualifying yourself to her and it turns her off faster than a “clap off” switch).
So, from now on, take great care of yourself FIRST and then GIVE FREELY or don’t give at all.
And, give what the other person wants, not what you want to give.
For example, when my girlfriend’s sister turned 21 I wanted to get her a present…
And my idea was to get her a really nice bottle of top-shelf liquor and a cool shot glass because that’s kind of the general way we do 21st birthdays in the US…
However, I had my girlfriend ask her what kind of alcohol she likes…
Turns out that she doesn’t like hard alcohol at all (which is strange…because she’s Russian haha) but she LOVES red wine.
So, I got her a good bottle of red wine.
In my mind, it’s not as “cool” of a gift…but it’s what SHE will actually like and that’s what counts.
When you get something for your wife or girlfriend or you take her to do something for her birthday etc., get her something or take her to do something that SHE will like or that will be meaningful to HER, instead of just doing something that YOU want to do for her.
And this might sound obvious, but definitely don’t buy her a dishwasher, vacuum, or other practical appliance that helps with housework haha (buy these for her at RANDOM times, not important days).
Now, on the other hand, you should also clearly communicate the things that you want and need from others <==Read 3X…
Listen, it’s not anyone else’s job to read your mind or figure out what you need and want.
And, no, they wouldn’t magically “just know” what you want and need “if they really loved you/knew you.”
That’s the other side to this coin: Communicating clearly what you want and need while at the same time meeting as many of your own needs and wants as you can and giving freely to others (what they actually want and need – find out). <==This is a big part of having healthy relationships.
So, to bring this back full circle, the next time you want to send a woman that last, unnecessary text that you know you shouldn’t (you know the one I’m talking about), ask yourself:
Are you going to do what YOU want to do (lose self-control, destroy challenge, and make her less interested in you by overtexting her), OR are you going to do what makes HER respond positively to you (demonstrating self-control and being a challenge by holding back on that silly little text message)?
Do you want to be selfish or successful?
Only you can decide.
Alright man, I’ll be back with you soon.
Cheers!
Jim
